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The benefits of teaching art, music or ports subjects at schools

ThuHangLC 1 / 1  
Aug 15, 2017   #1

which academic subjects are desired for the future?

Many people believed that concentrating on teaching the academic subjects related to the future job in school considers as an effective strategy rather than physically-developing lessons such as art, music, or sports. While I totally agree that both the school's curriculum should be built in the balance of both those subjects to ensure entirely the students' growth because of some advantages of art and sports I will discuss below.

On the one hand, physically-developing subjects instead of expanding the wisdom of children about natural phenomena, about sustainable development, or about economic innovations could teach them to improve their mental health. According to educational specialists, mental growth is one of the key factors controlling the survival and development of children. Through a music lesson, students are introduced the peaceful and beautiful life occurred in a gentle song's lyric which could strongly support the love of country, relatives and so on, drive their feeling into the positive directions. The other example is about sports, the attractive syllabus, lessons and effective guide from teachers, students shall be learnt to play a sport like football, volleyball or swimming which not only help them keep fit and protect physical health but also encourage children participating social activities. Moreover, team-playing sports are sufficient practice in learning teamwork, self-management skills which are extremely useful in the future career.

On the other hand, art or sports lessons are considered as the relaxing time after being on the go at some academic lessons. The balance created in learning help student easily escaping from stress even depression. An example at Vietnamese secondary school of student's one-day timetable shows that they always have a music or physical education lesson after studying three in-class lessons of science, math, or literature.Many students feel excited and get more energy in the next lessons that is a necessary factor to keep their attention in the lecture. Besides, studying arts and sports subjects at school especially primary and secondary schools are of great importance to discover talent students in the field of being an athletics, a singer or a musician.

In conclusion, physically-developing lessons are making a lot of contributions in the educational process, so schools need to assess the effective teaching strategies so that students would not miss the boat to grow sustainably.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 13,221 4319  
Aug 15, 2017   #2
Thu, your opening statement is absolutely not understandable. There is no clear representation of the original prompt requirements, the opinion you are presenting does not make sense, and the whole paragraph, well, it just doesn't do anything for you that would indicate that it could get a task accuracy score higher than a 3.

I can't even begin to advice you regarding where the other mistakes of your essay may be and how you can improve upon them in the future because you did not present the complete original prompt / instructions prior to posting your response essay. The whole discussion is confusing and causes the reader to give up reading mid-essay because it is simply impossible for a reader to try and piece together what you are trying to say.

There is a severe problem with your Coherence and Cohesiveness, as well as your Grammar Range development. This is not a test that will pass in an actual setting. I think that you were thinking in your native language and trying to translate it to English, which is why the sentences came out confused and incomprehensible.

You need to develop your English vocabulary and practice writing understandable simple English sentences before you can even begin to try and respond to simple prompt requirements in a Task 2 IELTS essay.
minhphuccttv 4 / 11  
Aug 15, 2017   #3
Hello Hang,

In your essay have some mistakes such as:

1. Entirely the students' growth => the students' growth entirely
2. While I totally agree that => In my opinion
3. .. to play a sport like ...
4. Next lessons that is a necessary ... => are

I hope it can help you.

Minh Phuc
OP ThuHangLC 1 / 1  
Aug 16, 2017   #4
Dear Holt, thank you so much for your comment, I realized that I should learn more and more before I can write an essay.

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