Many people think that every individual is responsible for their own healthy lifestyle.

TOPIC:- Many people think that every individual is responsible for their own healthy lifestyle, others believe that governments should take care of it. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

maintaining a healthy lifestyle in a country

In this era, health is a major concerning issue for the development of a country. Some people believe, maintaining a healthy lifestyle is a personal interest. However, there are a few, who hold the government responsible for it. In my opinion, both of them share equal importance.

On one hand, until individuals have self-conviction, no incentive can lure them to pursue a healthy lifestyle. It is more of a personal effort as nobody can push individuals, living a sedentary lifestyle, to adopt a healthy lifestyle.

On the other hand, some people think, the government should help in sustaining a better lifestyle. A major chunk of the overall budget is allocated to health, if the government takes initiatives, it would be able to save a lot of money. Moreover, due to shrinking income, many people are unable to afford nutritious diet, gym facilities etc. Henceforth, the government could act as a catalyst in leveraging these facilities to its citizens.

Furthermore, people are living in a stressful work environment and poor infrastructure. This has further lead to the deterioration of physical and mental health of the individuals. The government should play a vital role in exploring solutions to nullify this issue. This step will not only provide a healthy environment to live but will also contribute to the overall development of the country.

In a nutshell, people should understand the importance of a healthy living and the government should help people to access these facilities. Hence, a collaborative approach will lead to a healthy lifestyle and a better future.

Hi, I think you have gone through the second view further than the first one. I would suggest a balance of ideas between both of them. Also, you have to make a clear statement of your opinion which expresses your own understanding of the subject and convey your message.

your grammatical structure and use of vocabulary are good.

Good luck

it is a good topic that you try to explain us about how important we should take attention of our health. however, your essay didn't contain more explanation and elaboration more about your argument. in addition, you should also categorize your argument. for instance, you discuss about government in the first paragraph, and elaborate it before you move to the second paragraph. it will help us as a reader to read your essay. in the end of your paragraph, you should also try to give us advice on what you are thinking related to the topic. i wish you could get the point

Astha, you cannot score higher than a 4 with this type of essay presentation. The main reason for such a low score is because your response is only partially correct. You did present your opinion in the essay but you neglected to discuss both sides of the issue before presenting your own opinion. That is why your response was only minimal in presentation.

The examiner will look for the discussion of both sides and then your opinion. What you wrote was solely a personal opinion paper. In addition to that, you also failed to accurately rephrase the discussion instruction in your opening statement. you only presented the fact that you had an opinion on the matter, then offered a partial line of reason for it. That is a no-no in this essay task.

The reasons cannot be presented even in a partial manner in the opening statement. All information is saved for the body of paragraphs for discussion. These avoidable errors are what led to your final low score of 4. Here is how the essay should have been formatted in the opening statement:

There is a growing belief that individuals should be in charge of their health through the life that they lead. This is a belief that runs counter to the idea that the government should take charge of their citizen's health. In this essay, I will present a discussion of both beliefs prior to the presentation of my personal opinion.

Had you framed your presentation in the above manner, you would have had a better discussion outline to follow in the body of the essay.

I have modified it, based on the feedback. Please suggest.

In many counties, the government gives benefits to the unemployed or long-term job-seekers. Some people believe that this section of the society should be involved in voluntary services. As their involvement could be considered, a return to the benefits provided by the government.

It is observed that people take undue advantage of the benefits provided by the government. They tend to become lazy. lethargic and take it for granted. If these people are involved in community services, based on their skills and key interests. They would become confident and would realize the importance of work and money in their daily life where thousands of people struggle to sustain their likelihood.In addition, by doing social services, people would get to know their surroundings and other social issues prevailing in the society. They would be inspired to work for the betterment of the society. This way, they could build trust and harmony amongst the citizens of the country. It would lead to increase in the happiness quotient of the country.

Moreover, voluntary services like working with underprivileged children, senior citizens, abandoned and injured animals would contribute to the overall growth and development of a country. For example, teaching kids in a remote village would be a significant step for developing the future of the underprivileged children. As these kids will learn new things in life, which would increase the knowledge of poverty-struck families. And would further help them to fetch better jobs in the society.

Top conclude, indulging in voluntary services would benefit both the individuals as well as the community. Hence, such activities would open new avenues for the individuals and brighten the future of the country.