effects of playing video games
Video games is a common things in nowadays, people can play on their phone or their PC and they can play in every devices in every time they wanted to. Some people think that playing video games is awful and it just wasting their time. This essay will discuss both views of this topic.
There are 2 main problems about why they think video games is bad. Firstly, they can be easily rage at all when they got killed by someone or lost a match of that game. Most of gamers nowadays are the kids, they can play their favorites game on their parent's laptop or their phone at every moment even when they eating or they can even play video games at the restroom. In general, they can play in every single place and the kids will get rage so easily that they can broke everything in the house just because one random guy killed the kid due to the first problem I'm talking about right now. Secondly, the video games is so attractive that they can easily got addicted, I've seen on YouTube about the kid who was addicted to a Shooting Game and he's crazy right now. I can see that game addiction is more affective than the drugs which is crazy.
However, some people do not think that video is wasting their time and bad as everyone see. Video games is the easiest way to learn a new language or you can learn something that you haven't know or heard before which is the most popular benefit. Video games is a good places to chill out with your friends and even your old friends, when you grew up, the video games is just a fun place to vibe, is not a try-hard game or took it seriously like you and your bros used to anymore. Now they only cares about chilling in-game and troll some people which is really really fun and have some unforgettable moments with them
In conclusion, while people thinking playing video game is goof off and suck, I believe that people should see the advantages and have a great look of the video games
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The prompt restatement is faulty for 2 reasons:
1. It does not restate the original topic based on the given discussion basis
2. The writer assumes that he can start his personal opinion discussion in the prompt restatement + personal opinion presentation
These 2 errors will ensure that the TA score for this essay will be a failing one since it does not accomplish the requirements of the paragraph. The writer does not even offer his personal opinion at the end of the paragraph which is part of the standard response format for this discussion instruction.
He is supposed to present the 2 topics, restated, within the reasoning paragraphs. The idea is to explain the reasons behind the public support of the opinion first, then indicate what he thinks of the presented opinion. That is where the "give your opinion" aspect of the discussion comes in.
Try as the writer might to properly discuss the essay, the fact that he does not properly represent his personal opinion of both topics in relation to video games means that he has presented a faulty argument twice in the essay. While the essay might receive some scoring consideration, the lack of expected response format presentation will prove to be difficult to overcome.
The language you are using is not academic one and instead, often seen in daily conversations. Phrases, phrasal verbs like "you and your bros", " goof off and suck" should have no place in writing task 2. The same for contractions like "I've".
Your expression with the repetition of "really" also gives me the impression that you are speaking instead of writing.
Furthermore, unacceptable preposition added right in the introductory paragraph "in nowadays, in every time" lead me to the conclusion that you dont have a good grasp of English due to little exposure to this language.
Whatever, your essay is understandable and the idea is clear to me. What you should do now is work on your grammar, polish your sentences up with more academic words