rules regarding noise limit
Some people think that there should be some strict controls about noise. Others think that they could just make as much as noise as they want. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Some people suggest that it is necessary to promulgate some laws to restrict noise. While others think that they have a right to make as much noise as they wish. I would argue that making noise is not a good thing to do.
On the one hand, there are some reasons why some people like to make noise. Firstly, although they know that making noise may affect others but some people find it hard to maintain isolation, they tend to enjoy the feeling of more freedom and more comfortable if they talk and turn the volume louder. Secondly, with the development of industrialization and modernization process, traffic noise and engine noise are considered inevitable. People seem to get used to the sound of noise as a part of life. As a result, creating noise has become a habit in people's blood.
On the other hand, I believe that it is more detrimental if we don't control noise as soon as possible. The first reason is that noise causes a negative impact on people's mental as well as physical. For example, some people just only concentrate on doing something if the background is quiet and silent if they continue to hear noises as a consequence their productivity of work will be diminished or even create harmful for their health such as a headache or sleepless.
In conclusion, I think that we could limit noise if each person conscious of these problems that noise could have brought to our lives, although there are some contrastive opinions that everyone can be allowed freely to make noise.
The last sentence of first paragraph sways away from the fundamental arguement in a very subtle manner. The point is not whether making noise is good or bad but rather to what degree should one be able to exercise the right to indulge in noise making activities.
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Doung, you turned this into a personal response essay by the way that you structured your opening paraphrase. You were supposed to indicate that the instructions require you to base your personal opinion on an understanding of the discussion regarding the two points of view. The instruction does not instruct you to discuss only your point of view for both discussion points. When you see a reference to "Some people" and "others", these refer to a public opinion presentation and should be framed / discussed with such references being made in your instruction paraphrase and reasoning paragraphs. In this case, you need to explain why the 2 public opinions exist and then make a supporting statement for one of the two sides provided for the discussion.
Based on this mistake, your essay may find it difficult to get a passing score because it does not approach the discussion appropriately. As you are merely discussing your personal opinion throughout, the essay will only be partially compliant with the task requirements. It will then lack the appropriate 250 minimum word count and thus, lose its chance to get a passing score due to the word count deductions that will be applied to the work and the other deductions pertaining to LR, C&C, as well as GRA scores.
Always identify the side being spoken of in the paragraph by clearly indicating it in the topic sentence, which is the first sentence for every paragraph so that you can clearly represent whose opinion is being discussed and in the process, increase your scoring chances in terms of GRA considerations. Rather than saying "On the one hand" say "The public perception is that people should be allowed to make noise because..." For the next paragraph you could say "As for reducing the amount of noise made, there are groups that support laws reducing noise because..."
Identify the topic, identify the speaker, all within the first sentence of each paragraph. It helps to represent the prompt discussion requirements and also allows for a clearer discussion presentation. That way, you do not accidentally change the discussion from public and personal points of view to just a personal point of view of the two arguments. Remember this is a 3 reasoning paragraph essay based on the prompt instructions. You only wrote 2 reasoning paragraphs. That shows a clear misunderstanding of how to discuss the given prompt.