IELTS -Some people think that we can use as much fresh water as we want. Others think

Some people think that we can use as much fresh water as we want. Others think that fresh water supply should be controlled strictly by governments as the sources are limited. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

The water is one of the most important natural resources in order to human life. Some people believe that water should be freely accessible for everyone in the world, while others argue that it should be controlled by governments to ensure that available to everyone. I would argue that the water supply should be regulated by authorities for several reasons.

On the one hand, the water is a precious natural resource and it is available in a large proportion of the planet. As a result, it should be free and everyone can access it to their daily needs and people could consume the amount of water that they needed because it is free of charge. Moreover, a large amount of water is being used in agriculture and industries to produce commodities, and therefore it should not be limited usable. For example, people who are doing farming needs the huge amount water and if governments control the utilization of water then farmers would not be able to compensate the water supply bills. Therefore, it will have a negative impact on the crop yield.

On the other hand, the water system should be regulated by governments to make sure that available to their every citizen. There should be an authority to manage and control the water supply because some people may overuse it and other people could not access it. Moreover, the government should ensure that their people are accessing clean, safe drinking water and it helps to reduce the number of diseases that spread through the water such as cholera.

In summary, I am inclined to believe that the water supply should be regulated by governments to ensure that it can be easily accessible to everyone, and it is safer and cleaner.

Please input your feedback

Thanks

I think you should change 'on the one hand' to somethings like 'To begin with' or 'First of all'.
thereby, hence, thus ,consequently>>>>other words for 'therefore'
Furthermore, additionally, besides>>>>> other words for 'moreover'

This is grammatically incorrect. Pay attention to the correction I made.
Some people believe that water should be freely accessible for everyone in the world, while others argue that it should be controlled by governments to ensure that available to everyone.it is not wasted unnecessarily.

You need to pay lots of attention to grammar and vocabulary. As a tip for improvement, I'd advice you to read others' essays on similar topics. That will help you pick up many important key words and ideas.

On the one hand, the water is a precious natural resource and it is available in a large proportionsofin the planet
As a result, it should be free and everyone canshould be ableto access it tofor their daily needs and people could consume the amount of water that they needed because it is free of charge

Don't repeat the same idea over and over again. It reduces the effect of your writing.

Dear Pahan,

I do not quite understand that where my sentences have grammar mistakes except vocabularies. I can write any sentences without grammar mistakes when I write as individual sentences, but when I write to paragraph I may be missing.

Please help me to highlight all mistake in my essay and it could help me to improve my writing.

Thanks

Dear Dumi,

Thank you for your invaluable feedback and please do a review for rest of the sentences, if you find any mistakes, please mark it for me.

Thanks you again.

.... yes, it is partially grammar and partially vocabulary. When you have the phrase "in order to" then you need to continue that phrase with some action (verb) where as you have continued it with just a noun which is grammatically wrong. That is why Pahan has mentioned so and given you his following suggestion;

The water is one of the most important natural resources in order to survive. (here, the word "survive " is a verb whereas "human life" is a noun )

The change in vocabulary is the fix for this error and that is why I said it is partially grammar and partially vocab :D

Dear Dumi,

Now, I am clear and I won't make this mistake again and I am willing to learn a lot from your guys.

Thank you again for great support and grateful.

Thanks

On the other hand, the water supply should be controlled by the government to ensure that every citizen has access to fresh water to fulfill his or her daily needs.


.... set up a link between this idea and the previous one;
This helps the government to prevent people from wasting fresh water too.

Dear Dummi,

Thank you for your comments and I learn from you a lot. However, I have to two questions in your sentences.

As a result, it should be free and everyone can WHY YOU USE should be able to should be able to access it to for their daily needs

On the other hand, the water supply should be controlled by the government to ensure WHY YOU REMOVED make sure that every citizen has access to fresh water to fulfill his or her daily needs.

Thanks

Alright... let's take the first one;


"everyone can access" means that everyone is able to access already (it is already happening now). "Everyone should be able" suggests that it is the desired outcome. Although "everyone can" is not grammatically incorrect, "everyone should be able to" is the more appropriate usage in this case as that is the out come you wish to have.


Your way is also right, but again, "ensure" is a better word to use.
ensure means that make certain that (something) will occur or be the case. .... it gives more emphasis on the action and leave no room for missing out.

Dear Dumi,

Thank you for your all explanation and I just now read in Oxford dictionary that make sure is more informal and it is using every day English so ensure is the best choice too.

I understand the should be able to and can cases too. However, grammar books are mentioning that be able to mostly use for one time result.

Ultimately, thank you for your all comments and I am willing to see more corrections in my latest essays and upcoming essays too.

Thanks.