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Some People think that watching Sports is wastage of time during leisure time

na57zim 1 / 1  
Feb 16, 2019   #1
Watching different types of sports either by staying in home or by going physically is a common practice in all ages of people. Some people believe that sitting idle in front of TV or in the internet watching sports is a complete waste of time. The argument that watching sports is waste of time is a subject that is both supported and refuted by many. Both sides of this argument will be analyzed before a reasoned conclusion is drawn.

Firstly, normally people watch sports in their free time in order to be relaxed and to support their favorite team. For example, people of Bangladesh are huge fan of cricket and they have unconditional support for Bangladesh Cricket Team. Last year, In one high voltage Cricket match between Bangladesh and India at Asia cup final,because of high expectation from the people to watch the game ,The Government had declared that day as a holiday even though it was a normal working day. This situation has occurred because of the patriotism they hold in themselves and how they want to be refreshed mentally. Thus it is clear that it is not waste of time to be busy on watching sports during Spare time.

On the other hand, spending time by watching game on TV could be monotonous and does not help us both mentally and physically. As research shows that in order to remain healthier, it is important to do some exercise every day. So that, people not only remain fit but also will be able to meet different types of people to communicate with, which in turn will help them to have a appropriate social life. Hence , it could be said that watching game by staying at home is a kind of waste of time.

In summary. Both side of the argument regarding the uses of free time watching sports have strong supports.However, after analyzing the two camps , spending leisure time by enjoying sports as a group are beneficial compare to do it alone in home. It is thus recommended to involve socially either by doing exercise or by watching sports together or playing sports etc.

Togah - / 1  
Feb 17, 2019   #2

you could provide a more clear topic sentence in your introduction with supporting statement as to how it is believed to be time wasting and how people are connected to watching sports.
coke 14 / 29 13  
Feb 17, 2019   #3
- You only posted the first half of the argument so I don't really know what you're arguing about exactly. However, base on your essay, I suppose that you're discussing the time-worthiness between watching sports and engaging in real exercises.

- The general opening sentence is quite unclear. I think including 'either by staying in home or by going physically' in this sentence is unnecessary as it's only a general statement. My suggestion is something like this: Watching sports has been a common pastime for people of all ages for many years.

- Grammar errors can be spotted frequently throughout your essays. My suggestion is to use some grammar correction software to check your first works so you can pay attention to what kind of mistakes you frequently make.

- In paragraph 2, you've mentioned that people watch sports to be relaxed. However, there is little to no support for this idea.
- 'Thus it is clear that it is not waste of time to be busy on watching sports during Spare time'; 'it could be said that watching game by staying at home is a kind of waste of time.' I feel like these 2 sentences are personal statements and are conflicted with each other.

- Your summary says that you side with actual activity engagement but that last sentence is causing confusion to readers.

I don't have much experience fixing essays but above are some of my suggestions. I hope you will improve in your next works.
Holt [Contributor] - / 8,789 2605  
Feb 17, 2019   #4
@na57zim you did not provide the target audience for your writing, type of writing you are doing (IELTS. TOEFL, Speech, etc.) so you cannot expect us to review your essay for content and presentation relevant to a specific writing audience. The most that we can do, is offer a general observation of your work. Please remind yourself to post the prompt and target audience next time you come to this forum for a review. It is a requirement.

The first thing I noticed was the haphazard way this essay was put together. You did not even bother to use proper spacing between sentence endings and beginnings, this creating difficulty and stress for anyone who reads your work. Remember the last word of the previous sentence should closed with a period and separate from the next sentence beginning by a space. Otherwise the word becomes jumbled and unreadable. Pay attention to your spacing between punctuation marks.

Speaking of punctuation marks, you cannot start the next word after a comma with a capital letter. That is considered to still be part of the existing sentence so it should be a lowercase letter unless it is representing a noun. You should also use a comma after introductory elements such as "Thus". Use the word "an" instead of "a" before a vowel starting word and a word that starts with a consonant but is pronounced as a vowel. Capital letters are only used when writing nouns and starting words of sentences or the personal pronoun "I". It should not be used for any other purpose in the presentation.

These are the observations that I can discuss regarding the formation of your sentences. I cannot judge the content as I do not know what the discussion topic is, the reason for it, and the discussion instruction regarding it. I can do that next time if you give me the complete instructions to review your work with.
OP na57zim 1 / 1  
Feb 17, 2019   #5
thank you very much for your feed back as I got it very useful. Next month I am going to sit for IELTS exam. This is the first time I posted here and too much confused with everything. hope things will get easier within some days. Next time i will try to implement your suggestion and would be able to overcome these mistakes. would you please recommend me some grammar check software ??

Will be grateful to have your feed back in future .

Thanks for your kind feed back.
Next time i will not forget to address the target audience . One thing is not clear to me from your feed back"proper spacing between sentence endings and beginnings".

would you please specify if it is possible where such mistakes is found in my essay.

I appreciate your kind response
Thank you

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