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People think wearing stylish clothing is important. Positive or negative development?

Jimmy879873 26 / 55 13  
Aug 7, 2018   #1
More and more people are finding it increasingly important to wear fashionable clothes. Is this attitude to wearing clothes a positive or negative development?

the sense of fashion in the modern society

The uprising numbers of people think that having a sense of fashion is crucial. They choose to wear clothes that relate to the popular style. I believe this mindset can be viewed as a negative development.

Many people excessively concern about their appearance because of the fashion industry. They blindly follow the trend of which clothes are hit in its season and purchase them for a sense of superior feeling over those are not trendy. However, when they get criticised about their outlooks, they start to question their own presence. This unhealthy thought will grow as they listen more to other people opinions. They eventually undergo plastic surgery or some sorts to alter their physical bodies.

Furthermore, wearing fashionable clothes means to keep on purchasing the new arrival of the latest clothes in stores. Every season has new clothing for customers' satisfaction. Very often, those clothes merely make a slight change such as the color or cutting pattern. Buying these similar clothes repeatedly due to the brand names effect is definitely an act of wasting money.

Besides that, the used clothes need to be decomposed. Having more people to buy clothes for the fashion trend, the overloading landfills will have to cope with these hardly dissolvable materials, like denim. Although there are also some sorts of recycling procedures as well as donation stores for the used dressings, the best solution is not to purchase them in the first place.

To recapitulate, increasingly many people think that stylish garments are important. Though they overlook the danger of other people opinions. Buying too many items of clothing is also a waste of money and harming the environment.

I need your critique on this, thank you.
TriceLiu 11 / 25 18  
Aug 7, 2018   #2
Hi Jimmy, hope my advice can help:

1. Pay attention to usage of articles.
The An uprising numbers ...; .. clothes that relate to the popular styles.
Note that definite articles refer to some thing specified (often something that has been refered to in previous sentences.)

2.Avoid redundancy. For example:
I believe this mindset can be viewed as is ...
"I believe" and "can be viewed as" have similar meanings. You do not need to state the same thing twice with different expressions.
Other examples: a sense of superior feeling superiority.
the new arrival of the latest clothes new arrivals

You have a rich vocabulary. I believe you may write much better essays if you use your vocabulary in a concise and clear way. :) Good luck!

Correction: ... clothes that relate to the popular styles.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 11,749 3795  
Aug 8, 2018   #3
SG, it appears to me that your English thoughts are marred by your inability to use the proper vocabulary to explain what it is you are saying. Look at the list of the words that you used which have a meaning far different from what you thought it meant:

uprising - an act or instance of rising up; especially : a usually localized act of popular violence in defiance usually of an established government

decompose - to separate into constituent parts or elements or into simpler compounds

A mindset is "a mental attitude or inclination " or "a fixed state of mind". The mindset of this discussion should have focused only on fashionable clothes, you should not have altered it by presenting a reference to plastic surgery. That is a totally unrelated prompt deviation. This created a less coherent and cohesive paragraph presentation.

Clothes do not "decompose". However, it does get "worn" with age. Worn means "clothes that look old or have imperfections due to constant wearing". Decomposition is more used in describing things that rot such as corpses, biodegradable trash, flowers, etc.

Your concluding statement does not reiterate the reasons why people's fascination with fashion should be considered a negative development. You know how to fix that weakness in your writing. Try to read a dictionary more often and try to remember the definition of terms so that you can use some words in the proper context. Memorize the meaning along with the word.
OP Jimmy879873 26 / 55 13  
Aug 9, 2018   #4
@Holt, Thank you so much. I will fix these problems. Have a fabulous day sir.

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