I'm sorry, let me try to give you a comment to improve my IELTS learning with you.
overall, you did a good job for this essay, and I like you essay.
it might enable you to cogitate whether it is true or false of my argument here;
Moreover, the discovery of vaccines take part in cause of living longer. ...
In my opinion, you should separate this part of paragraph to be the second paragraph. it seems too bulky.
technological and vaccine discoveries would
be take a huge part
I think you do not need to add "be" in this sentence because if you use "be" means that it's followed by verb3.
Thank you sister.. Good Luck! :)