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What cause of people life longer ? is that positive of negative development? (IELTS Task 2)


SHanafi 120 / 415 93  
Feb 9, 2015   #1
People nowadays live longer than they used to what caused this situation ? Is it negative or positive development?

Life expectancy has climbed throughout the world. Some people think that it brings benefit for the nation while some others deem on its drawback. I believe that the issue of living longer is caused by technological improvement and the discovery of some vaccines.

Living longer can be caused of the alteration manual work to the automatic machine. It can be seen in a factory that the work for physical manual job goes automatic. Workers who help in such technology have sufficient time to rest then possibly far for injuries and accident such as back pain, spine harm or another accident which potentially occurs when they face the heavy machine. As a result, workers physically have stable condition and can be predicted for the range of longer life. Moreover, the discovery of vaccines take part in cause of living longer. Striking backward in the era when the certain vaccine is undiscovered, there are numbers of effected elderly died in folio disease or the case endemic case of Smallpox outbreak in Somalia in the year 1977. In that era, the spread of such virus has contributed in the degradation of life expectancy. On the other field, the invention of HPV, human papiloma virus, vaccine also protects our female from the infection of cervical cancer.

However, life expectancy inextricably intertwined with the growth of global population. When the number of citizen increase, it would be lead to the social problems. Imagine that in Japan, for example, as the country's life expectancy growth positively, the government should provide the retirement home also sophisticated health service for adults which may consume large national budget. Apart from its drawback, a nation senior experts such as professors and writers are in abundance. It is such tangible benefit that they can contribute to the national development as their sophisticated experiences would be the best advice in evaluated some crucial issues.

In conclusion, technological and vaccine discoveries would be take a huge part of the cause of longer life around the globe. While the elderly people need special attention to care in, I believe that when the adult is care with the proper ways they can be one of the prominent aspect in the national development.

talibaquil 2 / 3  
Feb 9, 2015   #2
Nice writing but if you are preparing for the toefl I think you shoul provide the second paragraph with specific example, even if you invent something not existed just to support your idea, like there was a program for the seniors to do something like teaching in re habitation places because they have some life experience, and by doing that they can get some extra money that may refund the money needed for their retirement.
Anfalia 40 / 56 23  
Feb 10, 2015   #3
Hello sister..

I'm sorry, let me try to give you a comment to improve my IELTS learning with you.
overall, you did a good job for this essay, and I like you essay.
it might enable you to cogitate whether it is true or false of my argument here;

Moreover, the discovery of vaccines take part in cause of living longer. ...

In my opinion, you should separate this part of paragraph to be the second paragraph. it seems too bulky.

technological and vaccine discoveries would be take a huge part

I think you do not need to add "be" in this sentence because if you use "be" means that it's followed by verb3.

Thank you sister.. Good Luck! :)


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