news in social media - is this a positive or negative trend?
Social media is one of the most popular tools for keeping up to date. While everything has its pros and cons, I think it has a positive trend
People use social media every where due to the development of technology and industry. This has become a convenient and useful tool for people to keep in touch with friends, family and up with news and be favored more than other modes of information such as newspaper, TV, radio back then .
Firstly,conecting with friends and family are an essentially part of human's life. without social platforms, humans lose connection with their close relationships and funtime, people end up feeling lonely and abandoned. secondly, with massive of information displayed on the social media, people have chances for learning or consulting documents for free which is helpful for dealing with their problems ; as an example, nowadays,learning languages is much easier compared to the back old day. With low-tech devices and unpopularity of technologies, many people don't access to the internet and social welfare to learn, so that it creates a major barrier for self-taught leaners in accessing leaning resources.Last but not least, social network is not only a tool to share stories, but also to make people more empathy with others around the world, and to store your achievements and beautiful memories with your close ones. This increase your level of happiness during the day and keep your positive mind and attitude towards everyday lives.
Like most things, social media has its negative impact, however, the disadvantages are constantly overshadowed by the numerous pros. Cittizens over the world are becoming more awareness the use of social network service so that it brings in good outcome
Firstly, I think you should include more detail in your introduction. Your introduction doesn't answer the question "why" in general and state your reasons for your opinion.
Secondly, your two body paragraphs do not link well with each other. I recommend that you include a topic sentence to the second body paragraph as it will help readers follow your idea more easily
Few gramatical and spelling mistakes:
EVERYWHERE
FAVOURED
massive of THE information
Firstly, CONNECTING with friends and family IS an ESSENTIAL part
to learn, so that it ... for self-taught LEARNERS in accessing LEARNING resources.
..., A social network is ...
-This INCREASES your
media has its A negative impact,
CITIZENS over ... more AWARE OF the use of ... it brings in A good outcome
Holt Educational Consultant - / 15461 All paragraphs need to be comprised of 3 sentences at least. Writing 2 sentences means you are not following the required writing format for the essay. You must make sure that your work meets the minimum scoring requirements for every paragraph so that you can get a proper scoring consideration for every aspect of the rubic. By the way, you need to rephrase your response from a simple "I think it has a positive trend" to "I view this as a good outcome of social media emergence." or something similar. Just make sure you don't just cut ant paste a response. You will lose TA points for that.
Do not over discuss your paragraphs. Your presentation in the second paragraph became difficult to understand when you decided to throw in too much information in your sample sentence. One or two reference samples in a related discussion sentence is fine, 6 in one sentence means the sentence will spin out of control and end up being a confusing mess to read. That is what happened to that paragraph. It is a jumbled mess of a run-on sentence.
Your paragraphs are over written. There is a 5 sentence limitation on your presentations per paragraph for a reason. It helps to keep the paragraph focused on a discussion topic. One discussion topic. You are not debating in a competition here. You are just trying to explain your point of view to the examiner. You don't need to over present reasons. What you should be doing, is giving a simple explanation as to why your point of view is the right one.
Watch out for your punctuation marks. You forgot to stick a period at the end of your improperly formatted concluding paragraph. What happened to the required opinion, body paragraph summary, and closing sentence in that presentation?
@vuthuylinh2611
@Gaucho
@Holt
thank for pointing out, i'm appreciated your help!
