Task 2 ielts People often wonder whether money brings happiness or not

Hi! I am practising on ielts and I got this prompt:
The prompt says: Some people believe that money brings happiness; others are of the opinion that having too much money is a problem.Discuss both views and give your own opinion

happy resources

People often wonder whether money brings happiness or not. Many people suppose that money brings joy, whereas others believe having too much money is a problem. While there are valid arguments to the contrary, I think that money is happy resources.

On the one hand, there are various reasons why people believe that money brings happiness. Firstly, playing an important role in meeting one's basic needs is evident methods. Working eight to ten hour every day, people earn money which can be used to pay for housing, food, bills, health care. It also helps us provide the best possible education for one's children. Having too much money, ones can have reasonable, comfortable life and benefit from it as soon as possible. One can enjoy a vacation with one's family in summer after long exhausting working days. Ones can go shopping without think about price. Also if ones have too much money, ones can make a great contribute to society such as building schools, hospitals, helping the poor.

On the other hand, some people argue that having too much money is a problem. It threatens one's safety. Nowadays, the number of people who have become thieves are raising every day, so rich people always feel insecure because money can make the rich the target of thieves. An evident disadvantage of having too much money is to use proportionally. They feel really stressful because of making plan what they must give priority to or what are worth doing.

In spite of these arguments, I believe that money brings happiness .Firstly, not only does money meets one's basic needs, but also it improves people's standard. According to research, so many people who have become thieves because of the lack of finance. If we have so much money, we boost economic development and keep pace with anyone and countries. Having comfortable life, we always fell energetic and want to work.

In conclusion, people have different views that money brings happiness and having too much money is a problem. I personally prefer that money brings happiness

Hi To, I have to say that you really took the outline I provided you and memorized it. You have presented a very well discussed essay here. You did not miss any discussion points and you have done your best to prove that you have adequate vocabulary when it comes to English words. You have managed to create an understandable essay that, although suffering from some grammar problems, does not impede communication with the reader. That said, you have, in my opinion, managed to increase your possible essay score to a 6. The task accuracy was perfect in this instance but the sentence development and lexical resource problems existed in a marked manner in the essay. So those errors forced the lowering of the lexical resource score along with the coherence and cohesiveness aspect. Keep practicing. You should be able to improve some more over time. You already have a passing score, let's see if we can increase the score over time. Try to use a different prompt requirement next time so that we can find some other weak points to correct in your work. Just remember that the format I gave you is applicable to almost all of the essay prompts you will be reading.

@Holt
Thanks you very much

Can you give me the manner or the format of the essay of Causes and Effects?

To, please remember that you need to start a new thread for every question you want answered or essay that you want reviewed which is totally unrelated to the original topic being discussed in a thread. In this instance, you have to do your own research regarding the format. I cannot respond to that question in this thread because this is dedicated to an unrelated essay discussion. If you start a different thread that asks me the same question, I will be able to respond there. I cannot do that in this thread. Don't forget, you can always Google the response to your questions before you write your essay. So why don't you try doing that first? If you feel lost, then start a new thread in the correct forum area and I will assist you to the best of my ability in that new thread. Sorry about that. The mods are pretty strict about that rule and I cannot disobey it.

@Holt
Thank you so much

hi, I am in the same stage as you are, but still practicing. Anyway my advice is, try to not repeat the words.
Good luck

I just want to add that try to give your opinion in the conclusion part. The paragraph 4 is unnecessary. Instead, you can add information to other main bodies and your conclusion. Additionally, some words and collocations are repeated, try to learn how to paraphrase. Well done :)

Hi To, I think your essay is really good, the arguments are supported by a series of evidences and examples and it really convince me.

I don't know if it is correct or not, but if I were you, i would write "people earn money for paying the fees for accommodation, foods, bills and health care etc." instead of "people earn money which can be used to pay for housing, food, bills, health care."