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People at the workplace should inhale only the fresh air, not polluted by the smoke


andika08 81 / 80 16  
Oct 22, 2016   #1
Question :

In some countries it is now illegal to smoke in public places. It is only fair that people who wish to smoke should have to leave the building. Do you agree or disagree?


People should leave the building for smoking. I agree with this statement because many people in the building can get the fresh air and they would be avoided from being suffered of serious diseases.

Workers in the workplace feel good as the weather in the room is clean and clear from the cigarette smoke. This mean the air conditioner in the room can work properly and effective as the smokers is go outside from the room to the place which provided by government. The smokers can use the room and not bother others people. For instance, the effectiveness of employees is rise since they can focus for complete their task. It is true that the workers are feel comfortable with this condition.

On other hand, people can keep their body healthy. This means when a smoker not in the building, a possibility to get chronic illness is less. A research from University of Boston in 2006 an example show that 80% of employees in the room without smoke have a higher rate of healthy rather than other. and the presence of workers getting better since the employee body always fit every day It accepted that healthy is important for the workers to stay focus.

All in all, a smoking in the outside building is the most effective way for people in the workplace to get a nature air and the employees can keep their body to stay fit. Thus, people inside the building is get the positive impact from the condition.

kiki23 37 / 64 4  
Oct 22, 2016   #2
Hi! I have some feedback for you!

All in all, a smoking in the outside the building is the most effective way for people in the workplace to get a nature air and the employees can keep their body to stay fit.
justivy03 - / 2,367 607  
Oct 22, 2016   #3
Hi Andika, first of all, in this essay, you can merge both 1st and 2nd paragraph into 1 and do the same for the rest of the essay, this means you will have 2 essays at the end of the revision, I suggest this because it will be easier to read and comprehend, also, remember that slicing your ideas into smaller paragraphs does not mean that it has better outcome than merging them into 2 solid paragraphs.

Just to share, people who smoke, always pose a very crucial health problem not only to the one who smokes but more importantly to the one who as they say, get the "second hand smoke", they are more likely to develop the diseases from smoke, more than the one who are smoking. I believe it will be a hard issue to tackle, however, if one can quit smoking, then that's already a good start.

Going back to our essay, below are my thoughts on the final paragraph of your essay.

- All in allOverall , a smoking in the outside the building
- in the workplace to get a naturenatural air and the
- employees can keep their body toand stay fit.
-Thus, people inside the building iswill get the positive
- impact from thethis condition.

There you have it Andika, as you can see, the last paragraph of the essay can still be enhanced and I hope this helps in your revision.


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