The percentage of age groups in the population of Yemen and Italy in 2000 and predictions for 2050

IELTS TASK 1 - charts report

The pie charts illustrate the percentage of age groups in the population of Yemen and Italy in 2000 and predictions for 2050. Overall, the percentages of elderly in both countries are expected to increase, while the proportion of people from 0 to 59 years old is calculated to decrease.

Firstly, Yemen had a very young population with half of its population being 0 to 14 years old in 2000. While the elderly only occupied 3.6% and people from 15 to 59 years old made up 46.3%. In the next 50 years, there is an expected upward trend for the proportion of people over 60 years old and from 15 to 59. The age group from 0 to 14 is predicted to decrease significantly by 13.1%

Secondly, Italy had a much older population with the elderly constituting 24.1% and will nearly double in the future. The age group from 15 to 59 will experience a tremendous decline from 61.6% to 46.2%. People from 0 to 14 made up only a small proportion of Italy's population and are projected to decrease by 2.8%.

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The first sentence of the summary overview is going to receive a failing score for being almost a 100 % cut and paste of the original presentation. It has not changed even a little to convince the examiner that the writer redeveloped the original information his was provided with. It is still confusing because it kept to the general explanation. The summary overview should be longer and represented in at least 3 sentences since it has to:

- Identify the image
- Identify the number of images
- Identify the image pairings
- Identify the measurement type

All before presenting the combined trending statement as the 5th sentence in the paragraph. While this 3 paragraph essay is acceptable, the examiner might look for a 4th paragraph, since this is a 4 image comparison discussion. An extended discussion is optional but would really help the final score if the writer can develop a 4th comparison paragraph that looks at certain similarities between the 2 paired images.

The correct comparative discussion would have paired the 2 images from each year for comparison. That means, 2000 v. 2000 and 2050 v. 2050 before a 2000 v. 2050 comparison per image pair.

These are my comments on your work:
- I think overview should be a separate paragraph and it should be added one more general feature.
- Instead of using Firstly, Secondly, you could use in terms of, regarding, when it comes to...
- You should review the grammar structure of "While" and complex sentences
While Meanwhile, the elderly only occupied ...
- Add more conjunctions

I think that you shouldn't use "firstly". After finishing your overall, you can write "According to the given chart", "As can be seen from the chart ". In your body, you can use words as "It is noticeable that" , for example

Instead of using " secondly " -> "On the other hand", " Turning to .... " .
You should have more complex sentences in your body.