The percentage of overweight children in some societies has increase. Causes and problems?

The proportion of overweight children

Children have many problems that every parents always concern about, one of which is the rising by 20% of children being overweight in serveral countries in the last 10 years. This essay will first analyse the reasons lead to this trend, followed by the consequences it brings.

Oviously, children become overweight when the energy they take in is greater than the one they take out. There are two main factors of this problem. First of all, by maintaining diet rich in energy and fat, many children become overweight. Fast food, for instance, is one of their favorite dishes at breakfast or when they come back home from school. The other reason is low levels of physical active and exercise. For example, it is easier to see boys and girls being in internet cafe to play video game or acess to social networking services than ones running or playing sports in a park.

Overweight children can face many dangers. They may feel difference from other children, which can affect their confidence. They can also be subjected by bullying from other children. Additionaly, in spite of being less common in their health problems in childhood, children who countinue to be overweight into adulthood are at great risk for many serious diseases such as high blood fats, heart disease, type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure, stroke and so on.

The proportion of children with overweight status is rising remarkably caused by the unhealthy diet and exercise, resulting in bad impact on not only mental health but also physical health.

A word of advice, try to avoid using long sentences in the prompt paraphrase. Since you are first gauged on your TA, LR, and GRA score through your presentation in this paragraph, it would be best to show your best abilities at this point. That means, writing 5 complete sentences that show off your skills. For the paraphrase you could offer the following:

- A description of the discussion topic (obesity as a concern among adolescents)
- The reason parents are worried ( 20 percent rise in obesity rates)
- One reason that you think causes the problem
- One result of this problem
- Transition sentence

I would have presented something like:

Obesity among young people is seen as being on the rise. With a twenty percent increase in the childhood obesity range, it is understandable why parents would be concerned about the health of their children. One reason that obesity is going out of control is the easy access to food supplies that children have. The ease of food access has caused children to make children overeat. It is time we had a serious look at these two related discussion points.

Note that I did not say "In this essay, I will..." because the discussion topics that will be forthcoming have already been spelled out. The examiner already knows you are writing an essay, there is no need to remind him of that. Just get to the point. You only have 40 minutes for the task. By outlining your discussion, you will also have a constant reminder of what you have to discuss, preventing you from going off topic or over discussing the content of the essay.

The format above also helps you to think of a related problem and result. In your current discussion, you are not really creating a cohesive essay because the topics are too numerous to relate with one another. Related topics could be:

Reason: Children who have easy access to food through food delivery services tend to spend more of their time eating unhealthy food that results in weight gain.

Result: Heavyset children do not like to move very much because of the physical weight they carry. That is why they do not want to exercise. These lead to health problems such as ...

Basically, you have to present a clear singular cause and a clearly explained effect. Looking at the example above, you should see exactly what I mean:

Cause: Easy access to food
Effect: Weight gain and lack of exercise leading to health problems

These 2 related discussion topics will create a coherent and cohesive essay because of the common relationship between the two. That is what the examiner will see and these will be the reasons why your TA and C&C scores will be boosted to the point where your other errors may not be able to prevent you from passing the essay test. One topic for each discussion factor is all you need. Provided you explain yourself clearly in the essay.