The percentage of students who studied at four types of secondary schools over a period of ten years

Please comment, I need your correction on my writing. Thank you very much.

community schools and their students

The table illustrates the percentage of students who studied at four types of secondary schools over a period of ten years.

Overall, community schools welcomed more and more pupils from 2000 to 2009. In contrast, the increasre was a reduction in the number of students in other secondary schools.

There was a swift increase in the quantity of students attending community schools between 2000 and 2009. In 2000, only 12% of teenagers were educated at these schools, and five years later almost a third of them took courses here. It is interesting to mention that the proportion of learners jumped nearly five times in 2009.

In comparison with community schools, there was a mild fall in the total of schoolchilds in specialist schools although both of these schools started at the same level, at 12%. From 2000 to 2009, the quantity of pupils that talented secondary schools received declined by 1%. Others such as grammar schools and voluntary-controlled schools took a significant decrease in the total of children. Twice as many adolesents were taught at grammar schools in 2000 compared to 2009. The figure for voluntary-controlled ones also fell by 18% at the same stage.

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Anh, the main problem with your opening statement is that it does not really tell me what to expect in the upcoming discussion. As an outline, your essay is not effective because it doesn't immediately represent the types of schools to be compared, the years of comparison, and the sort of information that you will be presenting (e.g. a comparison of data, and presentation of main features). All of these elements need to be presented at the start in order to create a proper discussion outline, which will prove that you understood the instructions and that you have the ability to create a chronological discussion of the facts in the succeeding paragraphs. Doing so would have provided you with an increased Task Accuracy score.

While you will not score highly in the lexical considerations of your writing due to misspelled words and the simplicity of your discussion, you did a good job of comparing the immediate information. However, your GRA will take hits because of the way you misspelled words, did not really develop proper sentence structures, and lacked in complex sentence usage. Overall, this is a 5 band score essay. A deeper analysis of the provided information and use of more and better developed complex sentences would have increased your score to possibly a 6.

Hello Phanh,
it is typical essay for IELTS writing task 1. Overall, it is good but I have several notes for you.
1. I think that it is misundestood of this kind of table given. The table was about countinued time scale in which is from 2000 up to 2009. For this case, IELTS candidates are asked to perform a written trend or change occured within this period. Thus, it should be explained as which part had greatest change and part had experienced the most increased achievement above all. 'Overall paragraph' should cover both of them.

2. Grammar errors and misspellings frequently are found so that it is so disrupted point from GRA and lexical resourse.
For instance :
increasre = increase
schoolchilds = schoolchildren
a swift increase = a slight increase
quantity of students = a number of students *quantify belong to verb category
declined = decline *declined belong to verb category

3. All unit of measurements should be mention in body paragraphs. In that essay, 2005 didn't included.

I wish it would help you to improve your writing skill