Percentage of Yemen and Italy population - IELTS 1 writing that I did for 1.5 hours

The pie charts given compare the percentage of Yemen and Italy population based on the ages in 2000 and the assessment of it for 2050. The age group was divided into three, e.g. 0-14 years, 15-59 years and 60+ years. Over all, it can be found that both countries was predicted, by 2050, to have decrease in percentage of the largest segment in 2000.

In 2000, the percentage of 0-14 years old people in Yemen was 50,1% as the largest proportion followed by 15-59 years and 60+ years respectively. However, in 2050, this trend is not estimated to be seen again with the decrease of 0-14 years people to 37.0% and the rise of other population percentage, that is 11% for 15-59 and 1.1% for 60+.

In contrast, Italy has assessed to have significant change in percentage of 15-59 years category, from 61.6%, in 2000, to 46.2%, in 2050. The negative change was not only happened for 15-59 years category but also for 0-14 years which is from 14.3% to 11.5%. the one that got increase was 60+ years category that is projected to reach 42.3%.

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  the graph
  

I can't find another mistake! Good job!

Good job :)

Hi Maulina, let me try to give some corrections and suggestion on your essay. Here it goes.


Here is my suggestion of your introduction :
1. A comparison of the percentage of Yemeni and Italian from 2000 to 2050, a five-decade period, as a projected year, is shown in the pie charts. Overall, it can be seen that in 2000, the majority of both populations was experienced in 15-59 years age group, and in the next 5 decades the position will not be changed.


1. However, in the following 50 years, the position will decrease to 37% and will be overtaken by people aged 15-59, which will be more than a half.

The pie charts given compare the percentage of YemenI and Italy ITALIAN population based on the ages in 2000 and the PROJECTED assessment of it FOR THE SAME AGES IN THE YEAR for 2050. The age group was divided into three, e.g. COVERING 0-14 years, 15-59 years and 60+ years. Over all, it can be found that both countries was IS predicted, by 2050, to have A decrease in THE percentage of the largest segment in 2000.

In 2000, the percentage of 0-14 years old people in Yemen was 50,1% as REPRESENTING the largest proportion followed by 15-59 years and 60+ years respectively. However, in 2050, this trend is not estimated to be seen again AND WILL INSTEAD, with the decrease of IN THE AGES 0-14 years people to 37.0% and the WITH A rise of other population percentageS, that is INDICATE 11% for 15-59 and 1.1% for 60+.

In contrast, Italy has BEEN assessed to have significant changeS in percentageS of 15-59 years category, from 61.6%, in 2000, to 46.2%, in 2050. The negative change was WILL not only happened for THE 15-59 years category but also for THE 0-14 years which is from 14.3% to 11.5%. the THE one that got IS EXPECTED TO HAVE A SIGNIFICANT increase was IS THE 60+ years category that is projected to reach 42.3%.