IELTS Task 2: permit of women to run career in army must be supported

Some people think women should be allowed to join the army, the navy and the air force just like men.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?
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In today's world, there has been a tremendous change on different gender roles. Comparing to the past, recently, women tend to run a job which was previously only hold by men like the army, the navy or the air force. However, there is a controversial premise regarding to this condition as although some people believe that female should not be prohibited for this, the other tend to have the opposite opinion. In my personal point of view, I agree with the former statement based on some reasons.

To begin with, it should be understood that both men and women were born in the same physical power potency. It is just the matter of way they are grown up which changes the possibility of women to have the same body strength with the men. The intensive training in navy school, for instance, has proved it. There have been many women who work with this job. So, taking account on this fact, female should not be prohibited to run a career in like-men job such as those jobs previously mentioned.

In addition, the proportion of male compared to female is becoming more and more dominated. It forces the women to take decision immediately to run such kind of job which is previously identical only male's suitable profession. The required number army, for example, is never suited according to males' number only, instead of the total number of population including both those genders. Thus, it is clearly seen that women should be highly supported to enter academy for this profession.

In summary, considering both the previous fact of women's success on joining these like-men jobs and the decrease proportion of women in this world, the permit of women to run this career must be supported. Then, looking ahead, such kind of this job will be dominated by female in the future.

Better organize arguments from weak to strong/ from less important to more important. Additionally, however, some essayists often acknowledge and then refute the counter arguments against their positions. This shows that the they understand the issue broadly and has already considered other opinions.

A typical simple outline could look like:
I. Intro

II. Important argument
A. Support for
B. More support for
C. Counter argument
1. Response

III. More important argument
A. Support for
B. Counter argument
1. Response
2. Another response

IV. Conclusion

... I always advise others to use direct speech in writing as it helps you deliver your idea with a better focus and improved clarity.
The perceptions on male and female gender roles in today's world,show a dramatic change compared to the previous eras.


In comparison to the past, women today tend to hold many job responsibilities that were restricted to the males in the past. It is most apparent in modern women's involvement in jobs in the armed forces.

I think the essay is great but you should focus more on second paragraph to add some more concrete points to it. In your essay it is mere the more in depth explanation of the first paragraph.

plural form numbers of armies | number armies


this is too vague as an example. Always have journalistic questions when constructing an example as to specify your idea.