TOEFL) have phones and internet made our personal relationships decreased?

Most communication is made with phones and internets. It is known generally that the advanced devices are the cause for making our personal relationship decreased, but we cannot convict that is true. Phones and internet provides services which are specified to communication. Additionally, the information we get from internet enables us to sympathize with others, in another way, communicate.

First of all, phones and internet provides services fit for communication. Calls, text messages, sns... it gives variations to make ourselves mor interactive to our comtemporaries. Internet gives more. Internet enables us to reach even out to the boarders of our nation. By such things, we may well conduct that our relatioships are enhanced thanks to phones and internets. We sometimes generalize that such devices makes us solitude when we see people tapping their devices even at trains and buses. But, we should not leave out the chance that the person could actually be communicating with their friends and families even at busy mornings.

Second, we are able to share our thoughts and news which we learn from internets. Through phones and internets, we have a lot in common such as interesting things shown in the SNS, or playing same kinds of games. By experiencing same things, we have more things to talk about. For example, I share things which is uploaded on facebook or twitter to my friends quite often. Sometimes we talk about tips to get high scores on our games. I do not think that our communication has decreased because of phones and internet.

In conclusion, We communicate each others by calling and messaging which are the services provided by phones while the Internet provides interesting things to share with our friends.Therefore, phones and internets do not decrease our personal relationships but rather help to enhance it.

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By this quality, roughly and objectively how much could I get from 15(highest score I can get)

I have an admin request - You should open all TOEFL threads in Writing Feedback forum. This has been transferred from Essays Term Papers to Writing Feedback by us. Also, include the prompt of your essay in the post so that we get a better understanding as to what it requires from you.

could you make clear your example with the coherence to the question?
I mean the main point of your experience.. :)

Aryaayra, thank you for the kind suggestion. I will try to apply your idea on my next essay!

First of all, phones and the internet providesprovideeffective services fit for for communication. Calls, text messages, sns.. etc. give it gives variationsvarying options for us to make have ourselves moreinteractive to our comtemporarieseasily connected with our loved ones.


These high tech solutions help us maintain our relationships soundly despite of time or geographical barriers.

A writer needs to keep in mind that the intro is often what a reader remembers best. Your intro should be the best part of your essay. If you could, state your own opinion in the introduction itself with a statement expressing your opinion very clearly.