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IELTS WRITING TASK 2-Essay about whether physical education should be compulsory in school.


lhd2104 1 / 1  
Apr 30, 2020   #1
Hello everyone!
I've never seen this topic before so it was difficult for me to write the essay due to lack of knowledge. Moreover, I usually make mistakes in grammar, so if there is anything wrong, please help me correct it. Thanks a lot for your help!

Sports at school



Some people believe that the best way to improve the general well-being of schoolchildren is to make physical education compulsory in all school. Others, however, think that this would have a little effect on overall health and that other measures are needed.

Discuss both views and give your opinion.


It is widely acknowledged that sports play a pivotal role in our lives. However, the impact of physical education on student health remains a polarizing topic. While a school of thought holds that making PE an obligatory subject is the optimal method in order to improve the general health of schoolchildren, others claim that this has just a small impact. Both views are justifiable, nevertheless, I am predisposed to agree with the latter view.

It is understandable why some people advocate physical education to be mandatory at school. The key rationale in favor of this view is that sports have a tremendous benefit on students, not only on their health but also on their lifestyle. Moreover, this subject can also earn schoolchildren who excel in it praises, privileges and opportunities to engage in further sports competitions. However, this policy may have an adverse effect on the majority of students. The fact that schoolchildren nowadays have to study a host of subjects leads to a state of fatigue, especially in adolescents. Not only do they have to maintain good grades in the compulsory subjects, but also those which they are not fascinated in, namely PE, etc. As a result, they may lose incentive to study.

Instead of the aforementioned approach, I hold a belief that physical education is not necessary for school since there are a lot more elements that determine whether an individual is healthy or not. Nowadays, young people tend to digest junk food which includes cholesterol, fat lipid, and harmful substances. Therefore, the school should offer some culinary nutrition courses and encourage students to get rid of the toxic food due to the long-term effects. If students do sports often at school but not having a balanced diet, then everything will be in vain. My school perfectly exemplifies this principle. It provides sports courses for students who are into this field and always rewards them after each course. Furthermore, nutrition courses are organized to change students' eating habits positively. Consequently, not only does this form relieve schoolchildren from exam worries, but it also guides them to a healthier lifestyle.

In conclusion, while there are rationales to advocate the idea of making physical education obligatory, I am of the opinion that there are other ways to stay healthy rather than do exercises.

Holt [Contributor] - / 8,840 2632  
Apr 30, 2020   #2
I can understand why you said that you were unfamiliar with the topic. You were unable to properly discuss the essay as per the discussion requirements which are:

- Discuss both points of view
- Give your opinion

One of the ways that you could have discussed this essay effectively is:
- Offer a topic restatement at the start of the reasoning paragraph. This will give you the topic sentence. Then, explain the topic based on your personal experience, but using a group pronoun approach. At the end of the explanation, you can present your personal opinion on the given paragraph topic. You can use this style for the 2 paragraphs and quickly conclude the essay.

However, the more effective approach is to :

Do a compare and contrast discussion of the topic in 2 separate paragraphs. Then present a personal opinion in the third paragraph, representing an analysis of the given topics. This format allows you to impress the examiner more with your GRA and C&C skills. The danger of the former format, is that you might not be able to fully explain yourself with the combined discussion paragraph. So for beginners, I suggest going with the 2 reasoning paragraph and one personal opinion paragraph presentation instead. It makes it easier for you to discuss the 2 topics, without cluttering the presentation with confusing statements.

Your essay seems to just keep on repeating the original prompt, There is no clear discussion and there is a lack of proper referencing to discussion points. The whole essay is confusing to read and prevents the examiner from learning about your English writing skills. When you cannot really represent an explanation of the topics provided, your TA score may not reach a passing score and as such, prevent the whole essay from reaching the 5 band score.
OP lhd2104 1 / 1  
May 3, 2020   #3
@Holt Thanks a lot for your feedback! This is my revised essay and I've tried a lot to expand the ideas. However, I still think my essay is not clear enough. Is there anything that I need to change or improve with my writing? Thank you very much.

It is acknowledged that sports play a pivotal role in our lives. However, the impact of physical education on student health remains a polarizing topic. While a school of thought holds that making PE an obligatory subject is the optimal method in other to improve the general health of schoolchildren, others claim that this has just a small impact. I can therefore only partly agree with the assertion that PE should be compulsory.

It is understandable why some people advocate for all schools to have physical education as one of the main subjects. First, sports help to boost both physical and mental health of schoolchildren. For example, when students do exercises frequently, they will not only prevent themselves from severe health diseases, but their cognitive skills will also be improved. American schools perfectly exemplify this situation. American students are trained earnestly in sports, and they have physical education lessons pretty often. Therefore, they look healthier in both strength and physique in comparison with the Asian ones who do not take exercises seriously. For these reasons, it seems sensible that making physical education obligatory in school is the optimum way to improve schoolchildren's health.

On the other hand, I am of the opinion that the aforementioned method would bring adverse effects on students in some cases. The fact that schoolchildren nowadays have a host of subjects to study leads to a manifold of problems. For instance, there are a lot of assignments for them to do and cramming is not an unfamiliar thing when it comes to examination. Therefore, they show a tendency to being fatigued, stressed and less active. If schools force children to do exercises, it will be hard for them to focus on the other subjects that are more crucial, such as Maths, literature, etc. Moreover, the state of being healthy does not only depend on exercising but also on people's diet. It can be seen that young people in this modern age are more likely to digest a lot of junk food which contains harmful substances for their health. This less nutritious food may cause them to suffer from some intense health issues, namely diabetes, heart problems, and so on. Consequently, physical education is not a necessary method and some culinary nutrition courses should be applied to the curriculum instead.

In conclusion, while there may be reasons to support making sports compulsory at school, I believe that the proposed solutions would go a long way in improving the health of schoolchildren.


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