ielts essay: Physical education plays an important role in pupil's life

Q).Most schools offer some type of physical education program to their students. Why is physical education important? Should physical education classes be required or optional?

A) Physical education plays an important role in pupil's life. In the first place, children learn better if they spend part of each day getting some physical exercise. Additionally, physical education teaches important skills such as team work. Also, it contributes to their overall physical and mental abilities.

Physical education is more important to pupils it's difficult to sit in a class all the day; pupils can exercise and relax after their physical activity. This helps them feel happier and comfortable at school .Moreover some kind of games need team when that time students need to communicate who were in that team pupils get a chance to improve their team work it will helpful in their career.

Unfortunately, most of the educational institutions don't give even an hour to pupils in their institution timings, they are concentrating only on how to embody pupil to become a best graders, even though parents are also think like this.

Finally, above mentioned describe physical education is most important element in pupil life.

Hello Sunny,
I will be a little bit critical, but you should learn how to structure your essay if you want to take your ielts exam.
Firstly, your essay is under length. This can reduce your band very much. You SHOULD write at least 250 words for task 2 in IELTS.
Secondly, you should write Introduction, in which you should say what it will be discussed: advantages(positive aspects/sides) or disadvantages(drawbacks, negative aspects/sides) and also you can write: do you agree/disagree or say, which advantages/disadvantages are better for the issue in your opinion.

Thirdly, you should make two paragraphs, which structure the main body of your essay. The first one, most of the time, show, which side you disagree/dislike/or just like the other side more. For example, if you like playing soccer, you should say the disadvantages of soccer at the first paragraph and then you can say the advantages in your second paragraph. This make more sense when the examiner read your essay.

Finally, in the conclusion you can start with: 'To conclude / In conclusion / To sum up and also Finally, which you use in your essay, but this word make less sense than others'. Then, you should say your opinionagain and also you can compare disadvantages and advantages.. For instance, ''.. advantages (positive aspects/sides) outweigh disadvantages (negative aspects/sides)'' or vice versa.

In addition, always after 'Moreover' you should write comma ( "Moreover some kind.." ).
I hope my reply helped and wish you luck in your IELTS exam too.
Good night, buddy : )

Hi buddy,
thank you for your advise and would you please give me some suggestions for how to start essay. i have an exam on 12 apr 2014. I am worried about my essay and i spent lot of time for essay writing. can you check my essay how is my grammar . is and can you give a band for my essay i hope you will understand my problem kindly reply as soon as possible.

thank you,
sunny

Yes, you should follow Pahan's suggested structure. Read those examples to get a good knack about it. For this IELTS task, you need to keep a few things in mind;

First, you should have at least the minimum word count in your essay (no harm if you have more words)
Second, you need to follow an appropriate essay structure that contains all necessary features for you to earn marks
Third, manage time effectively :)