Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 4


TOEFL physical exercise -on giving preference



Nurika 1 / 2  
Aug 22, 2011   #1
TASK: Some people say that physical exercise should be a required part of every school day. Other people believe that students should spend the whole school day on academic studies. Which opinion do you agree with? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.

Although some people think that the major part of school schedule should be entirely devoted to academics, I truly believe that the physical education part should not be outweighed. Physical exercises help to create healthy nation, assist to learning through direct observation and finally aid to financial development of a country.

First of all, the ancient Latin proverb says: "Anima sana in corpore sano", which means that healthy body is basis for healthy soul. There is a direct linkage between people's health and the frequency of doing physical exercises. The more we practice, the better we feel. Additionally, there is a fact that one can improve health conditions with everyday physical activity: gradually, step by step we change physical condition to better. So, if the entire nation, from their school ages begin going for sports and try doing that everyday, eventually it may help to build healthy nation.

Besides, when we practice outdoors and indoors sports, many aspects are getting clearer. For example, when a person goes jogging everyday, eventually he can understand his own body through direct observation. Alike, the school basketball team gains more knowledge on how to succeed in some particular kind of throwing the ball into hoot practicing rather than learning theoretically. Furthermore, almost all natural science discoveries were made by direct observation, which is a part of physical education.

Last, but not least, financial sustainability of a region mostly depends on how healthy the population is. For instance, the money invested into physical education program can save allocations into healthcare, since the nation is comparatively healthy. Along with that, physically healthy people can contribute more both into economical and social development. As a matter of fact, the better a person feels, the better his brain works. Therefore, putting physical activities in early steps of human development would finally lead to mentally healthy society. As hence it ends up with financially competitive country.

In the conclusion, I would like to say that the more attention is withdrawn to a problem of physical education, the more influence we can get on academic success of students.

dumi 1 / 6793  
Aug 22, 2011   #2
Although some people think that the major part of school schedulecurriculum should be entirely devoted tofocussed on academicsstudies , I truly believe that the physical education part should not be outweighedtoo plays an important role in both physical and mental development of the students.

Physical exercises help to create healthy nation, assist to learning through direct observation and finally aid to financial development of a country. ----- this sentence seems to have poor organization of words and ideas. It is not very clear for me what you intend to tell. Better rewrite this or take it off from your essay.

First of all , there is anthe ancient Latin proverb says : "Anima sana in corpore sano", which means that a healthy body is thebasisfoundation for a healthy soul.----- good one! I have never heard of this proverb before, but I've heard the English proverb - Health is Wealth.

There is a direct linkagerelationship between people's health and thefrequency of doinghow regular they do physical exercises. The more we practiceengage in physical exercises , the better we feel both physically and mentally.
OP Nurika 1 / 2  
Aug 22, 2011   #3
Thank you so much! I do really need to work a lot on grammar and organization of my ideas =))
dumi 1 / 6793  
Aug 22, 2011   #4
Your writing is not bad. I think you should pay more attention to your essay topic. In this essay the examiner is more specific about the impact of physical activities on students. So, I feel you should not deviate too much from that point and talk more on how students benefit by doing physical exercises. In your essay you have given little attention to the students and spoken more on how a nation can benefit out of physical exercises.

This is how I feel. Let's see what others got to say about your essay, especially the moderators!


Home / Writing Feedback / TOEFL physical exercise -on giving preference
Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳