efficiency of student's learning and exercises
Hi, my essay is about : "Some people say that physical exercise should be a required part of every school day. Others say that pupils should spend whole school day on academic studies. Which opinion do you agree with? Give reasons to support your choice." Can you give me some feedback? Thanks!
These days, some schools have included physical exercise as a part of educational curriculum. Whether they should turn it into a daily compulsory activity or neglect it, only concentrate on academic learning is a debatable issue. My view is that regular exercise is significantly beneficial to the pupils for the following reasons.
First of all, frequent exercise optimize the quality of learning, which means helping students study more efficiently. Because stress and fatigue which usually stem from overload learning hours spent on the classes will be dispelled immediately when students are involved in bodily movement during the break time. Therefore, with refreshed mind and body, they have better preparation, more ready for the next lessons. A recent research of Learning Method Institute has reported that students who have physical exercise between two 45-minute lessons study 30 percent more efficiently than those who do not.
Moreover, it is obvious that physical exercise contributes positively to the student's overall health. Because sport activities help to maintain physical fitness, boost the immune system, improve mental health, strengthen the individual endurance and so on, students with daily exercise show more active, energetic and healthier than others. Acknowledging these benefits, instead of imposing long - day academic study on pupils, schools should provide them with more opportunities to engaging in sport movements.
That is not to say that academic knowledge is not important at all. It, of course, is a basic, required part of every learner's knowledge and plays a vital role in individual life and future. However, intensive learning this type of knowledge without any break points for relaxing is redundant and may be counter-productive.
In conclusion, daily exercise deserves to receive encouragement because of all advantages it has. Meanwhile, we should not under-estimate the necessity of academic study. Schools should schedule both of them properly, by doing so, the efficiency of student's learning will be promoted notably.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 15460 Dam, you have a subject-verb disagreement with the use of the word "optimize". That should be written as "optimizes" because the word describes a currently ongoing action. Learn when and how to use pronouns as well. You made a mistake in reference to "students" which is the plural form of the word when you were speaking of ownership so the proper presentation would be "students'". You also cannot use two comparative forms successively. Therefore it is wrong to say "more ready" but more proper to indicate "readier". Try to use only one plural form for a word rather than similar indicators as in the case of "both of them" which should be written as "both". "Both of them" tends to confuse the reader due to the redundancy of the phrase presentation. There is also a structural problem with use of the term "concentrate" in the opening paragraph. It should be written as "only concentrating" which is a reference to a currently occurring action. You have a tendency to use connecting words such as 'because" to start a sentence, as a connecting word, it cannot be used to start a sentence. You should add a reason or discussion before the use of the word instead.These are but a few of the grammatical and sentence structure errors that I have found in your presentation. However, it did not affect the quality of your reasoning. The writing may be a bit poor, but your discussion paragraphs are logical and therefore acceptable for the given task.
As I said, your personal line of reasoning is good. The researched information, should not be included as you will be doing a pen and paper test, without the aid of the internet at the testing center. That is why the Task 2 essay always asks you to use only personal knowledge and experience in defense of your opinion. Never practice using outside research sources because that is not something you will have at the actual test site.
Your conclusion needs work. The concluding summary, as it is known, must contain a restatement of the prompt problem, your opinion, the reasoning topics you provided, and a closing sentence. Your presentation does not do that, causing an open ended essay which may have an effect on your final score since you are not allowed to continue the discussion of new information, as you did in your final paragraph, in the actual test.
There are several run on sentences in your later paragraphs. Please remember that these types of sentences will make you fail in the GRA and C&C sections because you are being scored for clarity and coherence along with the structure of the sentence. Short but informative sentences score better than comma divided sentences presenting 2 unrelated ideas. Learn to edit yourself. Use only one idea per sentence, regardless of how much you want to use 2 ideas in one sentence. You are not being scored on your knowledge of the topic, you are being scored on the clarity of your explanation regarding the given task.
