IELTS 1: PIE CHART: THE AMOUNT OF WATER USED IN SAN DIEGO, CALIFORNIA AND THE WORLD.

water usage comparison

The pie chart below compares water usage in San Diego, California and the rest of the world.
The pie chart compares the amount of water used for resendetial, industrial and agricultural purposes in San Diego, California and the rest of the world.

Overall, in the two American regions, the majority of water consumption for homes and industry, whereas agriculture accounts for most of water used globally.
Looking at the information in more detail, we can see that water usage in households makes up 60% and 39% of the total water consumption in San Diego County and California. However, merely 8% of water consumption worldwide is consumed by homes . The reverse pattern is true for water usage for agriculture. People around the world use the vast majority of water for agriculture, at 69%, while only 17% and 28% of the total water usage in San Diego and California goes to the same purpose.

Both in San Diego and all over the world, 23% of the total amount of water used is for industry, which is 10% lower than the figure for California, at 33%.

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Your summary overview is almost a direct cut and paste of the original presentation. You did not even try to change the words in the presentation so that you would appear to have developed a new presentation style for your report. You also did not try to use synonyms either. You are not even trying at this point. You need to learn to change your presentation from the original so that your essay will have a chance at a better score. You could have said:

The images represent 3 circle graphs (NOTE: alternative words are histogram, scatter diagram). Each graph shows the allotment for water usage in 3 areas. San Diego County, California, and worldwide water usage were the representative areas measured. The water allowances were measured in percentages for residential, industry, and agriculture needs.

A trending sentence could have been attached at the end. You should have 3 complete paragraphs presented here. Instead, you have 2 under developed paragraphs and one over compressed paragraph in the middle. You need to follow the proper reporting format. 3-5 sentence per paragraph. Don't compress all the information into one presentation. That shows a lack of GRA abilities on your part. Learn how to separate the report into topic paragraphs. One paragraph per area. One for San Diego, California, and the rest of the world respectively. That would have allowed you to do a proper report and comparison of information. That would have helped to increase your C&C score.