The pie charts show the expenditure of a school in the UK in three separate years over 20 years

uk schools budget expedintures

The pie charts show the expenditure of a school in the UK in three separate years over a 20-year period.

It is clear that the majority of the school budget went on teacher's salaries.By contrast,the percentage of insurance's spending steadily remained the lowest.

In 1981,the cost on teachers' salaries represented 40％,than reached to 50％ in 1991,but ended up in 45％ in 2001.Overall,there was a fluctuation on the expenditure of teachers' salaries over the span of twenty years.The spending of insurance showed a rising trend throughout the 20-year period,growing from 2％ to 8％ by 2001.

The cost for furniture and equipment fluctuated over the period.It stood at 15％ in 1981,declined by 10％ in 1991,finally rose to 23％ in 2001.Overall,there was an increase.In contrast,the proportion of spending on resources showed a decrease.It also fluctuated throughout the twenty years,but it strated at 15％,slightly increased by 5％ in 1991,and finally went down at 9％ in 2001.

Andrea, the participants in this forum are required to upload the original image that you were provided with for the creation of your essay. That is a rule that stands regardless of whether you are looking for content analysis or grammar correction advice for your completed essay. Without the original prompt and image, it will be difficult to accomplish the review that you are asking for. Your essay doesn't accurately follow the overview presentation at this point as there is no clear discussion topic, method of discussion, and basis for your trending statement. I could point out some more problems with your structure and discussion development, which would help to better increase your score rather than focusing only on your grammar corrections, which does not factor heavily in the considerations because that is at the very end of the scoring considerations list, but since you are asking only for grammar correction...

...school budget went TO teacher's salaries.
... percentage of insurance's spending ...
... the cost OF teachers' salaries...
... THEN reached to 50％...
The spending of insurance...
- Insurance spending...

Andrea, can you please give some feedback on my post I just made and I can help you out as wll!! Thank you!!

@niennien260
Andrea, I want to help you assessing the grammar, but I'm not grammar expert so your grammar looks fine for me.
Furthermore, I dont know you wrote the right data or not since you were not uploading the image here.
However, you use too many overall in inappropriate way.

@Holt
Thanks for your correction and reminder!I really appreciate your help,it is really helpful!
I haven't posted in this forum before,so I don't think there is a big chance for finding someone who would like to help me,which is also the reason I only asked for grammar correction.I know I still have a big room for improvement so I would like to know the sructure problems you pointed out above.Here is the original stem.Thanks for your help!

The original photo is too big,so I upload it again.

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  new.jpg
  

Hey Andrea, of course someone will always come to help you with your essays. EF is a vibrant community composed of users and contributors whose sole aim to help one another improve their English skills in order to better prepare the members for their English qualifying tests or assist them with admission to college or higher academic learning. You will always find help here provided you do your best to help others as well. Now, I am normally limited to only giving one free advice per student but in your case, I will make a one time exception to the rule because you did not upload the image on time. This is only because you are new at the forum so I am inclined to offer extra help as a one time deal. Here is an additional assessment of your essay.

Most of the work in the Task 1 essay comes in the overview presentation. What you presented is severely lacking in details which is why it will result in a lower TA score for your essay. An effective overview summary, for this type of pie chart contains the following information:

1. Topic for discussion
2. Enumeration of pertinent data
3. Trending statement

If I were to write the opening salvo for this essay it would be as follows:

Three pie charts indicating information from the years 1981, 1991, and 2001 are presented for analysis and comparison in relation to annual spending in a UK school. Whenever necessary, I will be making comparisons to the information while presenting pertinent data coming from the pie charts. What is noticeable from the initial analysis of the charts, is that most of the expenses, regardless of year, goes to paying the teachers salaries.

The above presentation accomplishes 3 things immediately:
1. It tells the reader what the pie charts are about (assuming the reader has no access to the chart)
2. It indicates pertinent information relevant to the upcoming discussion paragraphs
3. it creates an outline for you, as the essayist, which allows you to present the discussion in a clear and connected manner.

Overall, your presentations are informative but short. While 3 sentences is the minimum requirement for the paragraph consideration, writing the maximum of 5 sentences gives you the opportunity to show off your GRA and LR skills. In turn, an extended analytical presentation will result in a higher C&C score. My advice is, opt for a period instead of a comma in order to gain the fullest possible scoring chance in all 4 criteria per paragraph presentation.

@Holt
Thanks for your bonus advice and examples, I really appreciate it.
But I am still a little confused about some points,like which paragraph shuld I put the overview summary?I origially put ut it on paragraph two,which is obviously too short.

The writing structure comes from a IELTS learning website,it tells people to write in four paragraphs.
*Introduction(paraphrase the question)
*Overview(the most noticeable features/trends)
*Details(select key information,include numbers,make comparisons)
*Details(select key information,include numbers,make comparisons)
Anyway,I know you have made the exception for me,so I won't ask more.Again,I really appreciate your help.

I hope I can apply your advice:)