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IELTS task 1- The places visited by different people living in Canada.


mywritingsTT 1 / 2  
Feb 4, 2020   #1

the popularity of four types attractions among canadians



Hello everyone
I appreciate your feedback and answers

In this essay, I tried to write a paragraph for each groups like bellow:

Paragraph 1: Introduction and overview
Paragraph 2: Born in Canada
Paragraph 3: New migrants born in English-speaking countries
Paragraph 4: New migrants born in other countries

Do you think the way I grouped them is a good idea please?
................................................................................................................................
The bar chart illustrates three groups' of people favorite places which are Cinema, theater library and zoo. Overall, all the three groups of people prefer visiting library more than the other three places, while they all like visiting the theater the least. The numbers are given in percentages.

Native Canadian's favorite place is cinema where %70 of them visited, while the least place the want to visit is theater which comprises 20%. After them come zoo and library that takes almost 42% and nearly 38$ respectively.

New English-speaking migrant's favorite place is the cinema that covers 50%, in contrast, only about 28% of them want to spend time in the theater. When it comes to the library and the zoo, the percentage is 40 and 50 in succession.

Non-English-speaking migrants would like to head to the library more than anywhere else which can be seen in the large percentage of about %55, while merely 10% go to the theater. In addition to that, 50% of them like the cinemas, and approximately 30% of their visits is directed to the zoos.

180 words




thaolinh 2 / 6 2  
Feb 4, 2020   #2
Hello, although I am an student and I don't have a lot of professional knowledge, but, I will tell you about something in my thought when I read your essay. I won't comment on the language aspect because I think that part an English teacher help you is better. The first thing is your overall, there is some midunderstanding here because as I can see from the graph, Cinema was the palce that people love to visit most, not the library. The second thing is your idea structure. I think the way you analysised the diagram quite simple. In that way, you can not show the comparision between three group of people. I suggest you should devide the body of your essay into two graphh, one describe the figures for cinema and library, the other graph for the theater and zoo.

Thank you for reading my comment. Hope we can improve our English and get a high Ielts band score
johnle29 4 / 9  
Feb 4, 2020   #3
I think you want to write the least popular place rather than the least place in the second paragraph
OP mywritingsTT 1 / 2  
Feb 4, 2020   #4
@thaolinh
Thanks a lot for your idea. Actually I had doubt about the structure which is the reason why I asked for feedback on this point. Why do you think cinema and library are better to be grouped together then theater and the zoo, I mean what the groping should be based on?
thaolinh 2 / 6 2  
Feb 5, 2020   #5
@mywritingsTT
it is based on the popularity of each category. It is obvious that cinema is the most popular place. In the second place, we have library and zoo which have quite the same proportion, but I think the library number was a little bit larger than zoo. So that I will divide the detailed part into two para, one is two places attracted most visitors and the second is about the two remain.
Holt [Contributor] - / 7,892 2170  
Feb 5, 2020   #6
There is no definitive way of representing the illustration. The graphs are meant to be presented based on the understanding of the writer. That means, there is no one way of grouping and presenting the information. It all depends upon how you understand the information provided and how you wish to present it. Do not worry about the groupings and how the data is presented.

The important aspect of Task 1 is to make sure that you present all of the data from the drawing and, that you clearly understood the point of the graph. Groupings and presentations are dependent upon how you are comfortable representing the information. I do not see anything wrong with the way that you grouped the graph. That is how you wanted to present it and that is how the examiner will grade it.

Worry instead about your LR, C&C and GRA presentations. Those are the most critical aspects of scoring, not the grouping of the presentation. As long as you can prove that you can present a comprehensive and understandable summary of the provided information, you will be fine. Don't sweat the small stuff.

Try to write at least 3 sentences per paragraph so that your essay can be scored overall based on a 200 word count. That is the best way to maximize the overall scoring potential of your presentation.
OP mywritingsTT 1 / 2  
Feb 6, 2020   #7
@Holt
Thank you so much. This assurance was so crucial to me. And now it is time to focus on the other aspects of writing task one.


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