[IELTS Task 2] Pollution and damage of environment are resulted from a country developing.

Some people think pollution and damage of environment are resulted from a country developing and becoming richer, and this is hard to be avoided. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

People's activities change the atmosphere and environmental condition. Many people regard that in a non-globalized country, a significant improvement in all sectors, results environmental damaging and air pollution. Personally, I strongly believe that this argument can be accepted.

In the one hand, the development in poverty country can effect environment. A developing country adheres to its principles to establish all sectors in order for playing an economic drive. This can be seen in one country in which becoming richer founds many industrial companies to provide abroad income. An economic growth in this country arouses Samsung's interest, the largest multinational company, to open a new branch in. In fact, this requires many raw materials to resemble a newly- invented technology such as smart phone and portable computer. Those have a tendency for using harmful chemical which can be a precursor of endangering many species of plants and animals. As a result, some areas in this country will damage in certain period.

On the other hand, pollution and damaged of environment are not only resulted by the development in a developing country. Firstly, human behavior is the crucial aspect which has to be investigated and be reformed in term for keeping environmental health. Throwing rubbish in the river and cutting down many plants in the forest exemplifies why environment in developing country is being vanished. So, those habits increase the number of air pollution significantly. In addition, using artificial fertilizer for farming can damage soil. Finally, disaster is the strong possibility of environmental damage which usually demolish many plants and animals such as eruption of volcanoes and hurricane storm.

In conclusion, environmental problem appears for many causes and the development of country also gives a contribution. However, I believe people awareness should be engaged to solve this problem.

- I am not sure what you are trying to say here. This is a very confusing sentence. Are you trying to tell us that in a non-globalized country, the environment is changed by the improving economy of the country?


- Again, this sentence does not make sense as an introduction or connecting statement.


- This sentence does not make any sense. All the sentences are disconnected and does not clearly display your thoughts or sentiments on the matter. You need to rewrite this.


- This paragraph tries to present evidence to support the prompt in a very bad and incoherent way.

Please consider writing a totally new essay after having done research and collecting information that will help you present your ideas and factual data in a more understandable way. At this point, the essay still needs a lot of work and does make sense to the reader. I am confident that you can do this rewrite quite well provided you research the material needed to make this a solid and informative essay. I look forward to reading the revised version :-)

328 words is too long, you may need a shorter introduction and leave more time for the body:

It is true that when a country develops to be wealthier, it may create unavoidable environmental concerns.

On the one hand, the development in countries, especially developing countries, can damage its environment in several ways. Firstly, manufacturers built in these countries usually cut costs for waste processing or environmental issues. Take Samsung for an example.

Thanks for your suggestion, but it will be better for me if you can give an example.


Thank you so much phuoc. it is impressive suggestion which help me to understand what my mistake is.

For more factual information and data that you can present in your essay, you can use the readily available information at the ILO Encyclopaedia of Occupational Health and Safety under the topic "Developing Countries and Pollution". You can also use the Stanford University report on "Mexico's Air: A Synopsis on Pollution" which was originally written by Brent Duke for the university under the title "Development, Pollution and the Environment in Developing Countries". You can find these well written academic essays using a simple Google search. Use the title's that I provided for the search and these should easily turn up. I will advice you to read both essays very well and note their important findings for use in your own paper. Since this is an IELTS paper, you will not need to cite sources but instead, make their statements of fact your own. Say the same information in an original way. The way you would say it. Using correct and accurate information always helps to make a paper not only interesting to read, but also builds up the writer as an intelligent person who has something worthwhile to say. You can achieve that by emulating other authors while you are still practicing.

People's activities change the atmosphere and environmental condition. Many people (1) regard that in a non-globalized country, (2) a significant improvement in all (3) sectors, (4) results (5) environmental damaging and air pollution. Personally, I strongly believe that this argument can be accepted.(6)

1. regard means think about. What do you want to say? Better use 'argue' or 'claim'
2. Improvement as uncountable noun, so you don't need to add an article
3. Which sectors? Economic, industrial or market sectors?
4. Omit the comma. No comma at all between the subject and verb
5. Faulty comparison
6. Who will accept it? This interrupts the flow.