The popularity of different Scottish attractions between 1980 and 2010

travellers destinations in scotland

The graph illustrates the changes in proportion of visitors to Scotland who went to four different destinations between 1980 and 2010.
Overall, it is clear that the percentage of visitors to the Castle and Zoo increased, while the figures for the Aquarium and Festival decreased over the period. In addition, the proportion visiting the Castle was by far the most popular of four destinations.

It can be seen that the Zoo was the least commonly chosen attraction, with only 10% of visitors in 1980. After some fluctuations, this figure increased gradually to 20% in 2010. By contrast, the Festival was the most favored place for visitors to Scotland. Starting with 30% in 1980, but then this percentage saw a steady decline, reaching a final figure of just under 20% in 2010.

In 1980, the figure for travellers to Aquarium was 20%. There was a rapid growth to a peak of 35% in 1985 before decreasing sharply to less than 10% in 2010. The percentage visiting the Castle also increased significantly in over the period of 15 years. It roses from 22% in 1980 to reach a peak of 45% in 1995. However, this figure then declined, to below 35% in the end of period.

You haven't included the picture for this essay.

Para 1:"In addition, the proportion visiting the Castle ..."

Para 2:
"By contrast, the Festival was the most favored place for visitors to Scotland." - this implies that festival remained favored place throughout the years which is wrong.Specify the year.

"but then this percentage saw ..."

Para 3:
" There was a rapid growth to a peak of 35% in 1985 before decreasing sharply to less than 10% in 2010." - it seems as if after reaching peak in 1985, there was a steady decline and no fluctuation which isn't true.So, this is incorrect information.

" in over the period of 15 years"
" It roses from 22%"

While the general review that you did in the second version is acceptable, you should also be looking for areas where you can increase the data information aside from the basic increase/decrease rates. Look for the extra information in the essay that might help increase your GRA and LR scores. In this charts where the information just touches one another, without actually overlapping. Or, there are overlapping measures indicated.

By including a reference to these data, regardless of whether you refer to just one or both, you will be giving your score a boost in the aforementioned sections. Remember, the more analytical the presentation, the better the TA score. The more informative the sentence presentation and structure, the better the LR, GRA, plus C&C scores. It just gives you an overall boost to write more information in relation to the illustration analysis.