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Writing Task 1: total population of old people in three different countries


mita23 34 / 37 3  
Feb 22, 2016   #1
The given line graph reveals the information of population elderly people who have aged 65 and more than that, over 100 years, from 1940 to 2014, located in USA, Sweden and Japan. It can obviously be seen that the total of retire-aged man in three countries witnesses upward trend in which Japan will have the highest number of them in 2040.

Based on the data, in the first period, USA overtook the highest proportion of old people, standing at less than one in ten, followed by Sweden and Japan. Having similar pattern to USA from 1960 to 1980, the number of long-lived people in Sweden increased steeply to almost 15% while those in Japan remained steady at around 4%. There was a sudden decline in the old population in either USA or Sweden before the point rose significantly in Sweden and leveled off in USA. Surprisingly, despite of some fluctuations, it will be predicted that old man and woman in USA, Sweden and Japan will jump dramatically to approximately 23%, a quarter and more than 25%, respectively in the year of 2040.




Peter_Tim - / 9  
Feb 22, 2016   #2
The line graphs showing the total population of aged generation against time in years can reveal that USA between 1940 and 1960 had approximately 10% of old people of the total population, this increased to15% between 1960to 1980 which slightly reduced from the year 1980 to the year 2000. It seems this will remain constant to up to the year 2020, then it will increase to 20% between years 2020 and 2040.

Sweden between 1940 and 1960 the population of the aged is between 5% and 10%, this shoot to around 14% from 1960 to 1980, it then drops slightly between 1980 and 1990. the year 200 record a rise up to 15% and up to 20% from year 2000 and beyond. The population will drop to around 17% on the year 2020 and shoot to 25% by year 2040.

In Japan on the other hand, the old age population seems to decline from 5% to 2% between year 1940 and 1960, this remain constant up to the year 1980 and slightly shoots back to 5% by the year 2000, followed by a large increase up to 10% by year 2020 and above 25% by year 2040.
Chan Dara 2 / 7 6  
Mar 2, 2016   #3
Hi, mita23, your essay is superb.
I imagine if people can write such essay in a limited time frame with only pencil, eraser, and paper, they will at lease get band 8.

Normally in the first paragraph, it should be more about the general overview of the graph/image and less about figure. And you did it nicely. I couldn't have done any better.
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,208 476  
Mar 4, 2016   #4
The (1) given line graph reveals the information of population elderly people who have aged 65 and more than that, over 100 years, from 1940 to 2014, located in USA, Sweden and Japan.(2) It can obviously be seen that the total of retire-aged man in three countries witnesses upward trend in which Japan will have the highest number of them in 2040.

(1) the word "given" here is unnecessary because it is more than is needed. You need to keep your sentence succinct and to the point I suggest omitting it.

(2) Writing a 2-sentence overview is a must. This overview will cover what is being discussed in the body paragraphs.
Let me give you a try:
Overall, the proportion of elderly people from three countries is predicted to increase steadily. In any case, although population in Japan came last, eventually this proportion will have successfully overtaken the figures for USA and Sweden.

Body 1: details in the comparison of 1940 and 2040
Body 2: details in the yearly data.
justivy03 - / 2,366 607  
Mar 4, 2016   #5
HI Mita, I understand that you have gathered quiet a few remarks and modifications done in your essay
and I would like to be of addition to this, kindly find my remarks below.

- The given line graph reveals the information of population
- elderly people who'shave aged 65
- andor more than that ,
- It can be obviously be
- of retire-agedage of retirement to man
- witnessesd upward
- number of them in 2040.

- over took the highest
- it will beis predicted
- in the year of 2040.

There you have it Mita, I hope this additional remarks will be helpful when you do the revision of your essay, should you need further assistance, don't hesitate to contact us, we will be here for you at all times.


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