Positive consequences and drawbacks of working before going to University

Question:
Some suggest that young people should take a job for a few years between school and university. Discuss what the advantages and disadvantages might be for people who do this

Most people believe that work experience is the crucial factor for adolescent before continuing their higher education. I regard that it will convey positive consequences although there are several drawbacks could be occurred.

it has negative consequences such as lack of academic knowledge and negative psychological effect. Adolescent who have been working for such a long time in the company will lose their academic theories since they never review the materials. Although they get new insight regarding their job, they lose the knowledge which will be beneficial to study in university. Consequently, there is a big possibility that they will not be enthusiastic to continue study at university. Furthermore, they will have mental disorder since they must achieve the target and finish it based on the deadline. Although they can accomplish the tasks to be in order, they work under pressure and are stressful. It will be a harmful factor for their psychological development.

Apart from the previous explanations, It is not beneficial step for them due to several reasons. The first reason is to enlarge knowledge/skill. Although people who graduated from senior high school do not have capabilities needed by industries, they have strong motivation to sharpen their skill and gain knowledge that they have never heard. It aims to equip them with the special skill which will be the beneficial factor for their future. In addition, in order to pursue higher education, it needs a great deal of money. Although the government provides scholarship, its amount is extremally a limited amount. Therefore, young people should work to earn money and then save it to fund their tuition fee and living cost during a study.

In conclusion, while some argue that adolescent should not work before going to university. I believe that there is sufficient evidence to prove that its advantage outweighs its disadvantages.

it has negative consequences such as ...

capitalize it as it is first word in the sentence.

Adolescent who have been working for such a long time in the company will lose their academic theories since they never review the materials.</b>

since you are talking about multiple people, put a s at the end of 'adolescent"

[b]Furthermore, they will have mental disorder [...] harmful factor for their psychological development.

I could not understand this section. Are you saying that working can result in mental disorders from stress? explain this claim more. Also, i dont think "mental disorder" is the term you are looking for. Perhaps mental exhaustion?

Hello Abraham

I think your essay is good, I will help you answer the question.

My correction for you: when you write in writing task 2, you must caution the topic and coherence your answer. and don't forget your grammar must be repaired, there are many errors grammatical in your sentence.

In my opinion someone if he want to become success must finished his education before to work. because in this world many bad people who can drop and deceive you, if you don't have knowledge. you will failed to become sucess. And I suggest you don't forget to study hard and pray. I recommendation movie, you must watch 3 idiots (indian movie). That movie about someone who study hard and he can become sucess without certificate of study. because the intellegence of human divided 3 type, IQ EQ SQ. if you just have IQ and don't have EQ and SQ, probably your probabilty to sucess is lower than people have all of them. In conclusion, if you want to sucess is better you prepare your study before work, because you need knowledge to leader the world.