Talent and success
Topic: Some people believe that there should be fixed punishment for each type of crime. Others, however, argue that the circumstances of an individual crime, and the motivation for committing it, should always be taken into account when deciding on the punishment.
My answer:
Speaking of human success, we usually have a debate "It is impossible to make up successful people without a natural strong point, no matter how much effort they put on. From my experience, the effort is not everything and talent is heavily required to make a person extraordinary.
From being born, every single person has at least one unique hidden talent or strength, which makes him or her stand out between hundreds of citizens. In terms of sport and music mentioned in the topic, it is quite compulsory for a human to have hereditary talent. For example, becoming a pianist or a singer. If he or she does not inherit or naturally own the sense of rhythm, keys, and notes in music, he or she will definitely find it difficult achieving those goals. It can be said that: effort, in this circumstance, have limited effects on their dreams, especially in sport and music.
Nevertheless, in life, we can not deny a fact that there are a bunch of instances of humans who pursue their goals without or lack of inherited talent. Take a look at the most famous Korean soccer player Kim Ji Sung. Initially, people made fun of him because of his weak physical strength, which was preventable for him. But from time to time, he demonstrated himself that talent is only one percent in human's success. He is the first-ever Asian captain of the Manchester United soccer team in England.
In conclusion, I agree that a hidden talent could be easier for us to gain our career position but there is an exception: effort is the big ocean, and talent is just a water drop of it. If you change yourself, if you always try at your best, you can be successful at everything.
NOTE: I want to know how many scores could I get in IELTS Writing with this essay?
Firstly, the topic like "Some people believe....on the punishment" seems irrelevant to your answer. Are you writing about "agree or disagree essay" or "discuss both views and give your own opinion essay" with the topic as "a truly successful person without a natural strong talent".
Secondly, for your introduction, I think you should paraphrase the topic rather than write it again. And it will be the good introduction if the kind of the essay is discussing both views and give your own opinion. But in this case, I don't know that.
Thirdly, you should summarize your ideas that you presented on the body instead of writing something new like "effort is the big ocean, and talent is just a water drop of it. If you change yourself, if you always try your best, you can be successful at everything"
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There are my feedbacks about your essay. It's just my own opinion. It might be right or wrong because I'm still learning IELTS. But I hope it can help you. Anyway, I think you can get nearly 6.5
Holt Educational Consultant - / 15385 Huy, since you did not provide the correct prompt for the topic in your essay, I will be unable to properly assess and score your essay. It is this sort of negligence on the part of the exam taker that often leads to a failing test score. This test will actually get you a score 1 on both the TA and C&C sections. That is because your essay did not respond to the prompt at all and resulted in a failure for you to discuss the correct message within the essay. At this point, one would be led to surmise that the rest of the scoring considerations will also be failing on your part because of the prompt deviation you created.
Be very careful and always, double check the prompt in relation to your response. Make sure that the two always match otherwise, you end up with this type of essay and score. Had you taken care to examine the prompt against your writing, you would have seen that you had the wrong response indicated. If you leave a few minutes for editing your essay, you could have revised the content to become more prompt responsive. The problem is that you were careless and you only wanted to get over with the practice test as soon as you could. Which is why you failed to see the wrong argument that you presented in the essay.