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IELTS: Potential benefits of zoos overwhelm its pitfalls due to the facts presented below..



Abdurasul 32 / 78  
Oct 8, 2014   #1
Some people believe that it is wrong to keep animals in zoos, while others think that zoos are both entertaining and ecologically important. Discuss both views.

For many people, wildlife parks have become common places of spending a free time with friends and family. Although there are some people who argue against zoos, however, others hold an opinion that menageries are advantageous for various reasons. This essay aims to discuss both benefits and drawbacks of them.

On the one hand, animals in zoos are kept in artificial environments (e.g. cages or other sort of limited space). They rely on humans and therefore, loose their both ability and freedom to hunt for food. Another reason is that zoos exhibit animals with the purpose of making money. Some people claim that human beings have no moral right to use animals for entertainment and profit. Moreover, they argue that zoo animals live in unethical places as well.

On the other hand, there are certain benefits of keeping animals in zoos. Firstly, they play an important role in wildlife conservation. To clarify, zoos can help to protect endangered species of animals. Secondly, zoos are educational, interesting and fun. Children, for instance, enjoy learning from animals and hence, menageries can be very useful for them. Moreover, those places allow scientists to study animals and their behavior. Finally, zoological gardens provide many job opportunities, in particular, for local residents.

In conclusion, I believe that the potential benefits of zoos overwhelm its pitfalls due to the fact that they are interesting, educational and fun.

eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1170  
Oct 9, 2014   #2
Paragraph 1:

. This essay aims to discuss both benefits and drawbacks of them.

.
Believe it or not, Many students use this sentence dealing with their IELTS essays. It's better if you add one or two ideas in order to create a new sentence, instead of the common ones.

Paragraph 2 & 3:
If you could, then the fact from American Zoos launched in Philadelphia in 1874 can be used as factual data to support your arguments, instead of taking these ideas below.

Negatives of Zoos
-

zoos are kept in artificial environments

-

cages or other sort of limited space

-

They rely on humans

-

loose their both ability and freedom to hunt for food

-

zoos exhibit animals with the purpose of making money

-

zoo animals live in unethical places as well.

Positives of Zoos
-

play an important role in wildlife conservation

-

help to protect endangered species of animals

-

zoos are educational, interesting and fun.

-

places allow scientists to study animals and their behavior

-

zoological gardens provide many job opportunities

Every day I read two-three sample essays for IELTS. By doing so, it is easy for me to juxtapose old with new ideas. For this time, it is found that 90% of the ideas of this essay above retrieved from an ex-examiner's work: Simon. For those who think that it is hard to find ideas when it comes to IELTS essays, I'll say that it is OK to read, imitate, and use someone's ideas, but always remember, to prevent being penalized in the real examination, candidates should restate, paraphrase, or synthesize all the ideas. As a result, your graders are interested in reading your essay(s).

Paragraph 4
I know that this is acceptable in IELTS. However, if we seriously consider that a concluding paragraph is also important, then we should highlight that a good conclusion should be written: The main points of the essay is to summarize, and then the thesis is rewrite in different words. Also, it is imperative that a writer should make a final comment about what the main ideas are about prior to emphasizing an action that should be taken.
OP Abdurasul 32 / 78  
Oct 9, 2014   #3
Ooh, thank you eddies for responding) I really appreciate your feedbacks. You are completely right, I used Simon's ebook.
Thank you again)))


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