PRACTISING IELTS WRITING TASK 2 INTRODUCTIONS.. - three examples

Hi guys.. after long time never touch this forum, i come back again.. here i post some of introductions IELTS WRITING TASK 2. Iam very happy if you can give me some suggestions.. i realize i need to practice more and more.. thank you before :)

1. As global trade increases, many goods, including those we use on a daily basis are produced in other countries have to be transported long distances.

Do the benefits of this trend outweigh the drawback?

Nowadays, multinational commerce can break through borders and it makes easy to find imported products in across globe. Whereas it cause convenient in life, I am more likely to claim international markets encourage developed countries dependence with products of other countries besides it spends a lot of budgets

2. In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong while others consider it as valuable work experiences.

Discuss both opinions and give your opinion!

In a few decades, children workers are not unusual in several states. While some citizens believe experience of working is good to develop their better future, I prefer that children not allowed to earn money. They must focus on their studies and must finish it well.

3. Unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programs (for example, working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood, or teaching sports to younger children)

To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

In the recent time, ungrudging treatment should be a practical grounding of high school programs. It leads students have awareness to their environments such us to be a social worker and improving the neighbourhood. This essay will stay in line with such notion because it gives several benefits.

Hi, your English is very good! Here are my suggestions.

... through borders and it makes [it] easy to find imported products [all] across [the] globe. [Although] it [improves] convenien[ce] in life, I am more likely to claim [that] international markets encourage developed {maybe you mean "developing"?} countries['] dependence [upon] products of other countries besides [expending] a lot of [their governments'] budgets {or do you mean the citizens' budgets?}

In [ the past] few decades, children workers ...
While some citizens believe [the] experience of working (...) that children not [be] allowed to earn money. They must focus on their studies and must finish it well. {"finish it well" is a little unclear - what is "it"? Their studies? Maybe "finish school on a high note before beginning to work"}

3. Unpaid community service should be ...

In the recent time, ungrudging treatment {"ungrudging treatment" here is very unclear to me} should be a practical ...
It leads students [to] have awareness [of] their environments[, encouraging them to perhaps become] such us to be a social worker and improv[e ] the neighbourhood. This essay will stay in line with such notion ...

{I don't like referring to "this essay" - just give your specific opinion - maybe "I wholeheartedly agree that community service is vital and thus should be made a requirement for high school students."}