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"Prevention is better than cure," functions of governments



pipi2082 1 / -  
Jun 16, 2012   #1
Topic: Cambridge 2,page 48,test2,task 2
"Prevention is better than cure"
Out of a country's health budget, a large proportion should be diverted from treatment to spending on health education and preventative measures.
To what extent do you agree of disagree with this statement?

It is reported that several healthy experts wrote to the government suggesting that governments are obligated to allocate more money to educate the public health lifestyle and prevent people from falling ill. I totally agree with them, as it is a cost-effective way to handle public health problem confronted by most of the governments in the world.

One of the most important functions of governments is to maintain the public health at a relatively high level. However, the traditional pattern adopted by governments is spending a large amount of money on providing treatment, which leads to a vicious circyle: the more money been put in, the worse situation it turned to be. Take smoking controlling in China for example. According to the report, there are about 1.2 million of people died of lung cancer because of smoking or second-handed smoking. Merely in 2000, the cost of smoking in China has reached nearly 5 billion RMB varied from treatment expenditure and the production losses. In fact, if the government had switched its policy by providing more propaganda of a healthy lift style, asking the cigarette manufactures to tag warning marks on the packing of cigarette, forbidding smoking in public, penalizing the retailers who sell cigarette to the people under 18, the amount of patients suffered from lung cancer would reduce significantly.

Moreover, funding on disease prevention projects and educating the public with healthy life style would contribute to the social stability. Suffering from disease is not only money-consuming but also miserable and painful. It isn't unusual to see people commit crimes because of money shortage which stem from highly cost of disease treatment. If the government take action before the bad situation happens, for example, raising residents' health awareness and proving an unpolluted environment, it will prevent many people from suffering disease so as to curb the proliferation of crime.

dumi 1 / 6793  
Jun 16, 2012   #2
healthy experts

--------- health experts; healthy experts means that experts are healthy

well.... your intro has a few issues ; First it gives the reader an impression as if it is a bit deviated from the task prompt which is "Prevention is better than cure".

Second point is that in the intro you do not specifically say whether you agree with this argument or not, which you are supposed to do as per the question. So, the reader is vague about your opinion. You say that you agree with the Heath experts and try to indirectly tell the reader that you believe prevention is important. But the reader is not told about your view on this argument; which is better than the other. You need to specifically say, whether you agree/ disagree or take a moderate stance.
ah_zafari [Contributor] 40 / 661  
Jun 16, 2012   #3
propaganda

Propaganda is used for political issues.

Each paragraph needs a conclusion. U should add a summery at the end of a paragraph.

The example of the third paragraph is a little irrelevant and u should provide a convincing example to completely cover and support your idea.

The essay has no conclusion. Without a conclusion, the essay gets no mark because it is considered as an incomplete essay.

Regards
Ahmad
dumi 1 / 6793  
Jun 16, 2012   #4
Yes... you need to have a conclusion. Sum up everything you said above and re-instate your opinion. :)


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