IELTS; "Prevention is better than cure", However issues need to be addressed

"Prevention is better than cure."
Out of a country's health budget, a large proportion should be diverted from treatment to
spending on health education and preventative measures.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? IELTS TASK

The concept of health holds different meanings for different people and groups.Generally creating health for people means providing medical care to treat or prevent disease and illness.

In today's world many countries basically underdeveloped countries allocate less money for their health budget.In addition, a large proportion of these budgets divert to treatment instead of health education and preventative measures in these countries.However,I believe that all of the countries have to allocate much more for prevention and education on health compared with cure. This in turn might affect to the growth of health knowledge of people and decrease of disease level by creating healthy lifestyle and environment for people.

In my opinion, the governments may economize to their budget in future in this way.To be more precise,if governments invest to health education and preventive measures,it will show it's effects in near future.In other words, the people who live in more healthy environment and with more healthy lifestyle will less face diseases compared with before.As a result,it will pave the way for governments to less spending for health in future.

Finally,I'd like to emphasize that prevention is better than cure, however it show it's impacts in future and it is favour of both governments and people.In my view,for gaining a success with preventive measures, it must include addressing issues such as poverty, pollution, urbanisation, natural resource depletion, social alienation and poor working conditions.

In introduction paragraph you need to mention your thesis whether you agree or disagree with statement.

In today's world many countries basically underdeveloped countries allocate less money for their health budget.

Try to use linking words, each paragraph should be interrelated. You can use something like this:
To begin with, undeveloped countries like India spend enormous amount of money on treatments instead of focusing on preventive measures.

In my opinion, the governments may economize to their budget in future in this way.To be - You should not state your opinion in the middle of the essay. State your opinion in conclusion part.

Well.... this is your introduction and I find it is a bit out of topic. You need to talk about "prevention vs cure". That's the theme and although health is an integral part here, you are supposed to introduce your theme to the reader and not something relating to that. Also "health" has a very broader meaning and you should narrow it down to what your topic requires.

Also it is better that you state your opinion in the introduction itself. That helps you navigate the examiner in your desired direction.



.... I don't get this idea :( ... I feel you better re-phrase this