Prison is one of places for offenders to rehabilitate their deeds.

In many countries prisons is considered the best way to decrease crime. However, education is often argued to be more effective way. Which opinion do you most agree with?

In the recent decades, crime rates have increased in several countries. A plenty of people believe that prison is the best way to reduce the crime levels. However, I strongly agree that education is a better method to overcome this issue.

To begin, placing guilty people in prison is the best choice for decreasing the crime levels. This is because the offenders will lose their freedom when they stay in jail for a long time. Furthermore, the wrongdoer will feel alone because they will be away from family. In addition, these people will be desperate, because they lose their job and their future life. As a result, the offenders will deterrent against punishment which they get. Nevertheless, jail is ineffective way to punish the people, because prison does not stop criminal behaviour. There is possibility that if they get out of prison, they would commit a crime again. Therefore, I believe that all people from the young to the old even the offenders should get a right education to minimize crime activities.

Educating the citizens is more effective way for reducing criminal acts. Initially, improving people's moral values is one of the ways to educate them. The people will know the existing values and norms among human beings, and it can control the violence in the society. What is more, another way is making people aware of the consequences of the effect of violent behaviour, so people tend to prevent to do not do criminal act. Eventually, the best way is giving the offenders some skills during in prison. So, after they get out prison, they can build their own business with these skills.

To sum up, prison is one of places for offenders to rehabilitate their deeds. However, I personally agree that educating is the most effective way to reduce the crime levels in this world. Moreover, the government should to take a right solution to tackle this problem.

Hello nida, your essay is well-organized. However, you use too much conjunction in the beginning of your sentences. You have to reduce it as it will make your writing one-dimensional. For example, you can put the conjunction in the middle of your sentence, or just directly write your main point if it still related to your prior sentence. To change point of view, in this case your second body paragraph, you have to use an opening clause (on the other hand etc.) so that the readers know that the paragraph is the opposite of you first body.

Hai Miss Nida,

Furthermore, the wrongdoer(S) will feel alone because they will be away from family. In addition, these people will be desperate, because they lose their job and their future life.

(i think both of these sentences almost have the same intention to explain about wrongdoers feeling. So, here is my suggestion: Furthermore, wrongdoers will feel alone as they were isolated away from the family and they tend to feel more depressed as loosing their jobs).

You need to add some example in your paragraph two and three. it is very useful to make a fully developed paragraph, and this will increase your score.