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"A problem shared is a problem solved" (for TOEFL)



Borislav 6 / 20  
Feb 23, 2011   #1
Hello everybody :) That`s my first essay in English ever, so I know that it would suck rather much. I want you to point me where are my general mistakes and where to focus in order to improve my style. I know I have a long way to go, but it`s worth a shot.

A problem shared is a problem solved

As the old saying goes, "Shared grief is half-grief". But life is too complicated to be conducted by proverbs, and often burdening other people with your troubles could not only be meaningless, but harmful. Sharing our problems may bring us emotional relief, but in the long run it hinders our durability.

One of the reasons I do not support complaining is that words do not bring results - deeds do. I often feel myself frustrated when I cannot accomplish my tasks, but instead of talking I prefer to take action, to try even harder and eventually I get things done. Before entering his first bodybuilding contest, Arnold Shwartzenegger have been faced with a problem - he have been summoned for military service. But he did not share his troubles with anybody, just escaped and won the title.

Apart from that point there is a worse situation - when people receive charity and sympathy because of their pain and suffering, they become addicted to it. We all can imagine the classic case of permanently complaining person. It sure feels better to talk about your troubles, but talking is dragging one away from solving one`s problems. And when you begin to solve your problems by sharing them with others, you are in the beginning of a vicious circle.

But maybe the worst side of that practice is burdening other people. When you tell somebody about your misfortune, you are literally draining his or her energy. I can tell that from personal experience - in the gym I go to there is one boy who is always telling me how his progress is stalling and he has no power at all. Then I can catch myself thinking about those things while doing my workout and it is distracting and anoyng, since I have enough problems on my own and I am busy trying to solve them. And the boy is still the same - always complaining and never making any improvements.

Years ago in a sad book from Turkish humourist I read about "being a football". "I was trying to find help from my friends, but all they did when they heard about my problems is kicking me like a football". So in order to avoid being kicked like a football and build strong character, it is best not to talk about our troubles, but to make efforts to solve them.

ak21 3 / 4  
Feb 23, 2011   #2
in the gym I go to, there is one

Years ago inside a depressing book from a Turkish comedian I read about a metaphor called "being a football". A quote from the book that I liked is , "I was trying to find help from my friends, but all they did when they heard about my problems is kicking me like a football". In order to avoid being kicked like a football and instead build strong character is not to talk about our troubles, but to make efforts to solve them.

Let me know if that helps/if it sounds better.
OP Borislav 6 / 20  
Feb 23, 2011   #3
It sure sounds better :)
What about the structure/evidence? I know I`m not exactly eloquent, but I`m trying :)
EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Mar 2, 2011   #4
But life is too complicated to be conducted by proverbs, and often burdening other people with your troubles could not only be meaningless, but harmful.

Wow, very good. I am intrigued...

Sharing our problems may bring us emotional relief, but in the long run it hinders our durability.---Okay, is this the main idea of the essay? What do you conclude... that we should not share our grief? I feel that another sentence is necessary at the end of this first paragraph. Add a sentence to share even more of your insight.

Wow, alright. I like every paragraph. To complete this, consider what you would say to someone who complains, "Do not tell people to keep their pain bottled up! Friends are supposed to share both pain and pleasure." When someone reads your essay, they will be thinking something like this. You will need to be able to explain why it actually is better to keep quiet about the pain. :-) Give one last insight! Answer this question that will be raised in the reader's mind.
OP Borislav 6 / 20  
Mar 4, 2011   #5
Kevin, that was something I was thinking about - what would the person rating my essay think of my point of view. So I should be more persuasive - I know, I am trying to improve. I am trying to fit in the 300-words frame, but for now I`m going to drop that practice and write as long as I want.

Thanks a lot :)
EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Mar 10, 2011   #6
now I`m going to drop that practice and write as long as I want.

Thanks a lot :)

Actually, I think I disagree. I have often been surprised at how much my writing improves when I FORCE myself to express something in 50% of the words.

Really... you will be amazed... make yourself take out sentences. With every sentence, you make the reader work. Sentences are bad, like toxins in food we eat. Less is more. Kill perfectly good sentences, and the writing will improve. :-)

Refine the whole essay down to one sentence. That is how to forge a blade.


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