The Most Dangerous Toxin?
Topic: In recent years, life has become stressful than ever before more and more people are suffering from related illnesses. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
These days, it is irrefutable that the proliferation of technology, as well as the fast rhythm of life, has made the world more stressful compared to the past. Concomitantly, stress is often considered to be a major problem that can have detrimental effects on human health, forcing them to suffer from severe illnesses. Personally, I completely agree with this view.
Firstly, the growing complexity of the modern world may be one of the causes for individuals' stress and depression. This is because in today's society, people have to face with a plethora of unexpected changes in their life, which may be an impediment to enjoining happiness of life. For example, the workforce has now become more competitive; people are unlikely to have one stable job, they may have to change their career several times in their life. As a result, those people may be perturbed about their own job pursuits, thus forcing themselves to be paralyzed by anxiety. Additionally, the omnipresent spectre of environmental degradation might be another stressful factor in people's lives. As many types of pollution have posed a grave threat to human's life such as air and water pollution, this can put enormous pressure on everyone on finding the way to deal with this problem. People, therefore, could have difficulty in living in such insalubrious places, which may easily make them feel stressed when struggling to live a healthy life.
Secondly, population growth would be another reason for stress-related problems. This may lead to the fact that the roads are become more crowded, which can put people to be under pressure while utilizing personal vehicles. For instance, in peak hours, many find it annoying when they have to wait several hours to just go for a short distance. As a result, complaints about congestion in rush hours may become more acrimonious; people, therefore, can be stressed out in the long run due to facing them too much. Furthermore, this could also breed the scarcity of resources, thereby resulting in the price increase of products and then adding to the pressure. Consumers, thus, will find it stressful to buy their satisfying goods. These may be huge obstacles for individuals for living their lives without tenseness, causing related issues such as depression, anxiety and heart racing.
In conclusion, it is indubitable that people's lives have become much more stressful than the past. This can be ascribed to some reasons, namely the fast-paced world and the burgeoning population growth.
Hope to see feedbacks from you guys!
Thank you very much !@Thangnguyen315
Hello.
Thank you for being a consistent learner on the site. We are hoping that we've helped you nurture your English writing.
Taking a look at your essay, I find that your grammar is substantially well-off already. Your writing is quite put-together, making your content useful when it comes to its overall flow. I would suggest only that you try to focus on correcting the overall tone of your content. I find that there were instances (take, for example, the second to the last paragraph) wherein you were quite unable to conduct your writing in an efficient and informative tone. Focus on curating more content that's accommodating to this perspective - this will help you establish a formal tone.
Take a look at this proposed revision:
... degradation might be is ... As many types of air and water pollution ... threat ... such as air and water pollution, this can puts enormous ... on finding ... this problem to find a solution. ..., which may easily ... struggling pressures them to live ...
Best of luck in your writing as always.
Hi @thanguyen315
I am newcomer and in process of improving my writing. I found that your article really interesting where you put many uncommon vocabularies. I even never heard some before. But, from book that i read, to achive band 7 in IELTS examiner looking for idea that simply generated and easy to understand. I found after reading your writing, you give a lot of information for each point in paragraph 2 and 3 and make it become unclear. It is better to keep your point simple and give one clear example then at the end you could give your final statement regarding the topic.
This is just my point of view, please review my writing as well.
Thanks
@Maria
Thank you very much for giving me such useful feedbacks! I will try to write better essay following this :D
@agungbachruddin
Thanks for giving me your opinion, i think we can write essay in a simple but effective way without using uncommon words; however, i think if those words are used in right context, it would be a bonus in your essay
That's my opinion
Regards
