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IELTS Task 2: Stress is problem in many countries around the world.


BOMAT_IRA 29 / 40  
May 5, 2014   #1
Stress in now major problem in many countries around the world. What are some of the factors in modern society that cause this stress and how can we reduce it.

One of the most important issues in society today is stress. Stress is a problem that can give negative effects on many human's lives. There are many factors in modern society responsible for this. However, there are ways to make small the potential impacts. In this essay, I will discuss the factors and how we can reduce it.

To begin with, in our society, everybody wants to get what we want. For getting that is not easy, we must try to compete each other. When students in Senior High School want to graduate of school, they must follow many tests only in four days. Then, it can conclude the students will be graduated or not. As a result, students are facing great tension and depression because be afraid to be unsuccessful. Furthermore, some people think that happiness is related to money, luxurious houses or car, and branded clothes. Ultimately, people are working every day and every night to find much money. Because of they are continuous work; they do not have time for relaxation and their families, so they are feeling stress level very high.

Nevertheless, solving such problem will not easy, but there are actions that can be taken. Better time management is often considered to be the key to organize with time pressure without be stress. Time management includes setting priorities what needs to be done most importantly. For example, students can prepare their study for long time before they follow test. Moreover, individual also can take the various steps to reduce the stress, such as take good time for sleeping and spend time with their families.

To conclude, it seems likely that many factors which may cause stress but we must have solution to overcome with this potential problem.

fikri 5 / 317 71  
May 5, 2014   #2
Ultimately, people are working work every day and every night to find much money.

Nevertheless, solving such problem will not be easy,
upinipin 32 / 49 1  
May 5, 2014   #3
Because of they are continuous work; they do not have time for relaxation and their families , so they are feeling stress level very high.
Pahan 1 / 1,906 553  
May 5, 2014   #4
There are many factors in modern society that are responsible for this situation.

One of the most important issues in society today is stress. Stress is a problem that can give negative effects on many human's lives. There are many factors in modern society responsible for this. However, there are ways to make small the potential impacts.In this essay, I will discuss the factors and how we can reduce it .

This is a very good intro. Only, the last line is not necessary and your intro would flow better without it. The reader anyway expects you to do that and that sentence would not add any value to your writing. Good intro, anyway :)
sush2 4 / 11 1  
May 6, 2014   #5
there are ways to make small the potential impacts

Hi, it does not look correct for me, You may form it in a better way like " there are ways to reduce the potential impacts."
Eva Novita Sari 47 / 71 2  
May 6, 2014   #6
As a result, students are facing great tension and depression becausetheybe afraid to be unsuccessful.
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,208 476  
May 6, 2014   #7
One of the most important issues in society today

Not too broad if you add Global Health Issues

everybody wants to get what we want. For getting that is not easy, we must try to compete each other. When students in Senior High School want to graduate of school, they must follow many tests only in four days. Then, it can conclude the students will be graduated or not.

This is not the part of the prompt. You are off-topic

Because of they are continuous work

Because of followed by a NOUN/ noun phrase | Because followed by a subject-verb agreement.

people are working every day and every night to find much money

To earn money, people work days and nights
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
May 7, 2014   #8
To begin with, in our society, everybody wants to get what we want. For getting that is not easy, we must try to compete each other.

You need to align your writing with the prompt. Your prompt first asks you what are the factors that contribute to a stressful situation. So, you need to answer that first in this para. What is the contributing factor that hides behind the above sentences? I think it should be either competition or goals in life. You need to give more emphasis to the factors and then elaborate on them. For example;

To begin with, competition is one of the main factors that creates lots of stress in people. For example, for one to earn a promotion in his career, he has to compete with his colleges that may cause so much stress in him or her.


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