IELTS TASK 2 : The problem of over using internet

The internet has converted the method data shared and consumed, but it also triggers problems that did not exist before. So I will suggest what are most crucial problem and how to solve it.

Fist problem is about peoples' physical, we are sitting or lie down for a long time using internet. It causes our immune system to destroy, also it triggers obesity and we use internet too much we will lack sleep, then we cannot concentrate on our job or study. Also we can get injuries to fingers and wrists as well as dry eyes, injuries to fingers and wrists are easy to be chronic problems and dry eyes causes eye sight decrease.

Second problem is peoples' mental, We lack the motivation to take advantage of other useful part of the internet. And if people are addicted to internet, they will stop doing their homework and extra work. It leads people cognitive development to be slowed. Associate with peers will cause deficits in sociability. Also people are exposed to violence for a long time they will be able to be the seed of crime

So how can we solve this problem? I guess it is not difficult. Government should make the law about restricting internet, watching violent or addictive website posted up by users. And Government should introduce new laws for various internet website to verify the accuracy of data before they allow users to update or posted up new information.

This essay presents an interesting concept of freedom which should be followed by all young people. You may also want to compare the Internet to watching TV and reading of books and conclude that all of these activities could also make people fat and mentally overwhelmed. This, in result, destroys the potential of a human society. So the most appropriate solution is to lobby the Bureaucrats and ask them for the best solution: to ban TV and eliminate people who spend too much time reading (inappropriate) books while sitting. And before lending a book, people should ask a Government Official if it is appropriate and useful enough to read it and if it's going to make our society better and more productive.

The internet has converted the method data shared and consumed, but it also triggers problems that did not exist before. So I will suggest what are most crucial problem and how to solve it.

This is my suggesting for introduction
Internet caused a breakthrough in all fields of life ,despite the fact that it has negatives effects in some aspects that relates to human's health and social life.

Fist, regarding the health the internet cause severe diseases for computer users body who staying for long hours in front of computer screen. For example, it brings diabetes, eyes dry, weak backbones and obesity.

second, the internet decrease the communication between the internet users and their family. It cause loneliness, and depression due to addicting the electronic games, social media, and browsing diverse websites instead of take care of their children, or spending time with their friends by exchanging gossips or talks with them. Thus, that might leads to psychological diseases such as schizophrenia or Autism especially for children.

I recommend you not to use many "WE".
I had been thought it from my IELTS teacher since I started to prepare the IELTS test.
This is simply because which shows a lack of your objective view.

For example...
We lack the motivation to take advantage of other useful part of the internet.
->the motivation to take advantage of other useful part of the internet is generally lack.

Here is my suggestion :

- IELTS test need minimum 250 words not less than that.
- Structure of paragraph Introduction, Advantages idea, Disadvantages idea, Conclusion.
- Last paragraph i recommended you to use in conclusion / to sum up/ etc. to begin the paragraph
and give your suggestion.

Example.
In conclusion, regarding to this problem government shall make a law that rule about....

CHEERS!