Solving problem in education
From the past till present, education is always a top priority with development in many countries. Some countries' governments claim that they should encourage their own teaching and studying efficiently. Therefore, this is restricted in undeveloped countries. The bellow essay will give some problems and how to tackle those.
It cannot deniable that schools are very few in many areas, especially the rural areas. The first thing we could see that lacking of the qualified teachers is a serious problem because they would not have any correct instructions. The second is the modern teaching equipments such as computers, experiments' facilities, Internet network, so on, which the student here are not exposed. These lead to most of children would not have enviroment to acquire knowledge. Moreovers, the big problem is that children have to work with many kinds from the early age. For example, in Africa, childrens who are from 8 ages ought to go out, find different jobs to make living and support for their family. Every work they do is use their physical, labouring by hand-leg.
The solution of these problems is the mainly difficult thing in progress of improvement nations. There are several of methods to address for governments are given. Firstly, the developed countries can lend undeveloped ones a helping hand by subsidizing money for some actions. For example, they would invest to build schools where would occur study and play activities for childrens. Secondly, number of money could be contributed to install high-tech facilities that supports for teaching and studying. Finally, some of teachers should be sent to more developed countries in order to research, update the latest teaching methods, then returning, devoting for their own education. In addition to, governments should make education mandatory for all childrens, like encouraging their parents to let them go to school fro study instead of earning.
In conclusion, education should boost in these nations because of its crucial role to promote nation. Governments should take it in consideration to broaden their childrens' horizon by some certain ways so that their country could develop more in general.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 15460 Your paragraphs do not truly discuss the related problems within a paragraph. Neither do you present related solutions in the solutions paragraph. When considering what topics to discuss in a problems and solutions essay, make sure that you discuss no more than 2 topics in the relevant paragraph. The only specification is that, due to coherence and cohesiveness requirements in the presentation, the two topics you choose to discuss must support each other in the discussion.
In the first reasoning paragraph, the two related discussion points are:
- schools are very few in many areas, especially the rural areas.
- lacking of the qualified teachers
The above problem presentation has a commonality involved in the discussion which is:
- The lack of schools in rural areas means there are not enough qualified teachers to educate the students.
- Teachers do not want to be assigned to rural areas because it is too far from their own homes.
If you notice, your discussion does not create a cohesive explanation based on 2 properly related reasons. I was the one who supplied the proper reasons for you. You should avoid just listing the problems the problems, focusing only on the reasons, but not really explaining how these reasons relate to the given topic. Coherence, is scored based upon your ability to connect your discussion points per paragraph. You do this using:
- The discussion topic(s)
- Reasons that connect one problem to the next (lack of schools, no teachers due to distance of the schools from teacher homes)
- A proper example that illustrates the point (new graduates refuse rural teaching positions because of distance)
The same applies to the solution which is:
- build more schools in the rural areas
- Give teachers housing in the rural areas
- Provide an example of why these suggested solutions would work (teachers would not need to travel far to go home and rest)
Based on the discussion outline above, you can see why your essay cannot achieve a passing score, even though you wrote a very long essay. There is no sense to your presentation. The topics, solutions, and discussions simply do not connect properly. The essay is weak in all discussion areas. The examiner will also add the grammar range problems to the deductible points, in which case, the essay will not score higher than a 3.
