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The production of energy from coal in Denmark, Germany, Sweden, and France


amrillahmk 29 / 47 6  
Oct 25, 2016   #1
The graph gives information about the percentage of energy produced from coal in four countries, including Denmark, Germany, Sweden, and France, over 15-year period. The main fact that stands out is that the production of energy from coal in all countries experienced a decrease over the period shown.

Denmark and Germany began at fairly similar levels of 60% and 55% respectively in the proportion of energy from coal. Subsequently, both Denmark and Germany jumped sharply to under 20%, when Germany hit a low of 5%. However, there was a slight increase for Germany, in which German overtook Denmark to finish around 18%, while Denmark finished at 10%, the lowest of that year.

On the other hand, the energy from coal which was produced in Sweden and France stood under 40%, and then fell slightly to same or under 30% in 1998. Over the following three years, their proportion remained stable, which were followed by a short fall in 2004 and leveling off at this rate for the remainder of the period.



ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Oct 25, 2016   #2
Hi Amril, long time no see :D

Sorry for making you wait for quite a long time. It is nice to see you practicing in this forum again after quite a long break. However, I would like to directly come up with my feedback related to your report summary of IELTS task 1. I hope you can follow through.

1st paragraph:
- Overall, the main fact that stands out.. (cohesive device can possibly improve your score)
- I think that this paragraph is still incomplete. You need to remember that you have to complete the way that you present the information in the overview / introduction of your essay. You accidentally created only two sentences in what was otherwise a very strong start to your essay. Your mistake was compressing the information into the two sentences you presented. Format your opening statement into at least three sentences this way:

> The graph gives... (1st sentence)
> Overall, the main fact... (2nd sentence)
> Moreover,... (3rd sentence)
(you can add more general overview in this sentence, but not too detail)

2nd paragraph:
- To begin with, Denmark and Germany...
- ...both Denmark and Germany jumped sharply to underbelow 20%
- However, there was a slight increase for Germany, in which German overtook Denmark to finish around 18%, while Denmark finished at 10%, the lowest of that year. (I am not sure that "finish" is the appropriate diction to indicate that it was the last period/last year. Why don't you just mention "in the end of the year" or something similar like that?)

3rd paragraph:
- Keep in mind that each paragraph of your essay needs to have at least 3 sentences in each before it can even be considered acceptable by the examiner. The idea is to have you present a complete thought and understanding of all the aspects of the chart you were provided. By limiting yourself to only 2 sentences per paragraph, you fail to display your ability to express yourself in the English language, which is a major component of the scoring system. So the following still needs work.

> On the other hand,... (1st sentence)
> Over the following years,... (2nd sentence)
> It leveled off... (3rd sentence)


Hope this helps mate!
Practice makes perfect! :)


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