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TOEFL: (more productive, energetic) EASIER FOOD PREPARATION IMPROVED PEOPLE'S LIVES


jhundais 4 / 5  
May 23, 2012   #1
Prompt:

Nowadays, food has become easier to prepare. Has this change improved the way people live?
Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

My Response:

Cooking their own food has always been a big problem for busy people. They often find themselves skipping meals, as they do not have time to prepare food. Fortunately, preparing food has become much easier nowadays. However, is this a change for the better? Personally, I believe that the ease of preparing food has positively impacted everyone's lives. This is because it makes everyone productive, energetic, and healthier.

First, the ease of food preparation increases people's productivity. People spend a lot of their time just preparing their food. The time spent on it adds up when we consider the fact that people need to prepare three meals a day. Easy food preparation frees up this otherwise wasted time, enabling people to devote their valuable time into productive activities. For example, when I was getting ready for college entrance exams in high school, I had difficulty managing my study time because I had to cook for myself, which took up a lot of my time. Fortunately, canned ingredients, prepackaged food, and three-minute stews provided me with a shortcut to good meals. This helped me prevent wasting my time doing irrelevant things to my studies.

Second, the ease of preparing food makes everyone energetic. Busy people often skip breakfast, because they do not have time. Easy food preparation means that food becomes readily available or accessible even to busy people, who would otherwise skip meals. For instance, I couldn't have breakfast when I was in college, as I had to commute every morning to my school, which was in another city. It took 2 hours to get to my school, and as a result I had to skip breakfast to get enough sleep. Skipping breakfast made me tired and unfocused. Had cooking been easier, I would have had breakfast every morning.

Third, easy food preparation helps people get healthier. Ordinary people, especially men, easily forget about balancing nutritional contents when cooking. A study conducted by ABC Department of Health has shown that staggering 77% of students who cook for themselves were on unbalanced diets. Easier food preparation can help address this problem. Many companies, such as Magic Kitchen, deliver prepackaged ingredients and food to homes. They are specially formulated to provide balanced diets. This can help people eat healthier. To illustrate, I suffer from diabetes, and preparing my own food is a daunting task. I used to feel ill because I forgot to check if my diet is balanced before cooking. However, thanks to Magic Kitchen, I feel much better. This is because it delivers to me diabetic meals designed to keep sugar-level low.

In conclusion, easier food preparation help a lot of people, as preparing food is a big problem for everyone. I believe that it has improved people's lives. Easier food preparation helps people be more productive, energetic, and healthier. People should appreciate how it made our lives better.

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I have a question.

Have I used too many personal examples in my essay that it rendered my essay too subjective?

I know that Independent TOEFL writing involves personal experience,

but the prompt seems to ask me to support my thesis with objective supports rather than subjective ones like examples from personal experience.

Is it a bad idea to give a lot of personal examples for prompts like this?

What do you think?

Thanks in advance!

janetyang 1 / 3  
May 24, 2012   #2
In my opinion, I think there is no problem when you are using your own experience. I mean as long as it is logical, which I think it is in your writing. Also, I think a lot students face your situations, hence, it is not totally subjective. :D However, this is just my own thinking, I am also a student, preparing to take a TOEFL test. Therefore, my thinking may not accurate.

Moreover, I have some comments about your essay:
"... I think this is a good introducing passage, which is clear, fluent, and not complicated.
OP jhundais 4 / 5  
May 24, 2012   #3
Janetyang,

I appreciate your helpful comments!

So, my examples seem okay after all? :)

As for details, I think TOEFL writing is more about demonstrating your ability to support your arguments than about getting the facts right.

The figures in my essay are fictitious. I just made them up and included them for the sake of practice.

I, too, have difficulty coming up with solid facts. What I usually do is just invent some surveys or statistics.

I haven't had any problems so far. I think it's safe to say that it's okay to be creative :)

What do you think?

Thanks a bunch!
janetyang 1 / 3  
Jun 3, 2012   #4
:)) I think you probably right! :> Sorry for the late reply, I forgot to check. ><"
At last, TOEFL test our ability to make argument and defense for it, so maybe I don't have to worry so much about the facts that include in the essay.

Thanks for your discussion. :>
vickey 9 / 18  
Jun 6, 2012   #5
Dear Jason,

Nice essay.

I am also preparing TOEFL, so it was very helpful for my brainstorming.

Before I read that, I disagreed about the question.

I think you developed your idea very well.

I didn't find any mistake.
Hope to share further essay !

I am sure you will get high score.


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