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IELTS essay about professional workers ,sports and entertainment personalities



catherine0605 2 / 2  
Nov 7, 2013   #1
Professional workers like doctors, nurses and teachers make a greater contribution to society and so should be paid more than sports and entertainment personalities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The economy growth benefit from the professional workers and some other industries developing. Different areas have their own contributes to the society.About this, some people think that should be focus on the sport and entertainment personality;while others suggest that professional workers play an essential role and have more contribution than sports and entertainment personality.However,I agree with the latter points.

There is no doubt that professional workers are the main group in society and work in the different kinds of field such as science、medicine、finance、accounting. And professional workers make an effort to the economy growth.For example,the scientist who have the professional knowledge and skills and work in the product industry. They can use their professional skills to improve the high-tech and the productivity.Finally,it can help the economy growth.

Besides,the professional workers such as the doctor,the engineer, the teacher and so on, they have their own value in their working fields.Because of these peoples,that the society becomes more develop and makes the world wonderful. So the value of the professional workers should not be ignore.Giving them high salary is a good trend.

However,it is obvious that more talent celebrities come out ,such as the movie star,the pop singer,the fashion model,etc. They maybe have the influence on the public and have some meaningful program. But compared with the professional workers, they just doing a little on value things and these things are simply on their art fields. For instance, a famous pop singer maybe have the talent on singing and have the magic voice to attract the people's eyes, but it also maybe have the negative effect on some people,especially for teenagers who are addicted this and study badly. So this kind of people who worked in this field don't have too much contribution to the society.

In conclusion, the professional workers have more responsibilities to boost the economy and develop the society. At the long-term, they play the pivotal role on the social contribution. So they should be paid more attention than the sport and entertainment personality.

sky2586 4 / 10  
Nov 7, 2013   #2
The economy growth benefit from the professional workers and some other industries developing. --- The economy growth benefits from the professional workers and some other developing industries.

Different areas have their own contributescontribution to the society.
About this, some people think that should be focus on the sport and entertainment personality --- What should be focus on? Not clear.
sport and entertainment personalityties
to improve the high-techtechnology and the productivity
they have their own value in their working fields - incorrect. Not explaining much, elaborate more this.
and have some meaningful program---- work in some famous programs
magic voice to attract the people's eyesaudience
especially foron teenagers who are addicted thiswith their charm/ charisma
So this kind of people who worked in this field don't have too much contribution.--- which kind of people, work in which field? explain more.

Also, try to elaborate more on How professionals are useful and important for the society.
dumi 1 / 6793  
Nov 8, 2013   #3
The economy growth benefits from the professional workers and some other industries developing

... economic growth
This sentence is very confusing. It has grammar issues too. I cannot grasp the idea you are tying to convey.

Different areas have their own contributes to the society.

.... What are these different areas? Do you mean "different career fields" ? You need to be more specific there.

.About this, some people think that should be focus on the sport and entertainment personality

... again, this sentence does not clearly express your idea.
You need to first pay attention to your grammar and then to clarity.


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