Unanswered [4] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

WRITING TASK 1 : The Proportion of Elderly People Population in Three Countries


andika08 81 / 80 16  
Nov 10, 2016   #1
A breakdown of the information about community of aging people in a 100-year period in several countries is illustrated in the line chart. Overall, all of figures showed an upward trend. Although, Japan people had the lowest number over 90-year but, in the end of period, they were by far most dominant in the total of population.

Initially, by early year, the widened gap have been seen between USA and Japan graph. After twenty years, the proportion of USA and Sweden experienced significantly increase at 7% and 9% respectively while the slightly decreased in Japan at the same year at 3%. In addition, by 1990, Sweden surprisingly overtook the place from USA at 15%.

Turning to the last fifty years, in 1990, Japan got the first position from others countries with sharply rose at 27% and succesfully reached a peak in the end of year. Nevertheless, both of USA and Sweden experienced significantly increase 25% and 23% respectively.




fadhilmd25 41 / 75 11  
Nov 10, 2016   #2
Dear Andika, here are some advices for your writing, feel free to correct my suggestions,

the widened gap could been seen between ...

while the slightly ... -->

whereas a slight decreased in Japan occurred

others countries with a sharply rose at 27%

a peak at in the end of the year

Regards
mem77 62 / 98 6  
Nov 12, 2016   #3
Dear Andika, here some advice for your writing and feel free to correct me too!

..., the widened gap havehad been seen between ...

... experienced significantly increased at 7% and 9% respectively...

... reached a peak inat the end of the year.

... significantly increased 25% and 23% respectively.

Regards


Home / Writing Feedback / WRITING TASK 1 : The Proportion of Elderly People Population in Three Countries