The proportion of families who owned and rented an accommodation in two countries

The percentage of rented housing

Given is the bar chart which compares the proportion of families who owned and rented an accommodation in two countries, England and Wales from 1918 to 2011.

Overall, it is immediately apparent that percentage of rented housing in the above two contries declined steadily in the given period. By contrast, the figure for owned accommodation incresed gradually in the same period.

In England and Wales, in 1918, people preferred to live in rented appartments and more than three-fourth housings were a rented one. On the other hand, just above 20 percent of households stayed in their own house in that year. Afterwards, whilst the percentage of rented accommodation experienced a fall, owned one showed a reverse trend and in 1971 it accounted for half of the total accommodation in England and Wales.

In the next four-decade period, there was almost 20 percent decrese and increase for rented and owned accommodation, respectively. So, more and more people were buying their own places . In the next decade, although the figure for tenants climbed up a little to reach just above 33 percent, it was almost twice less than its counterpart.

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Susmita, in order to create a more coherent and cohesive summary statement, do not create stand alone sentences and call these paragraphs. A complete paragraph is always composed of 3-5 sentences that contain:

1. The illustration description
2. reason for the illustration
3. illustration information
4. measurement type used
5. Trending sentence

When you combine these 5 sentences, you accurately complete the prompt overview requirements and also stand to gain a higher score in the TA and C&C scoring considerations. The above format clearly indicates a coherence (connected sentence topics) and cohesiveness (overall importance in the paragraph discussion), which is the aim of the first paragraph in the task 1 essay.

This is one essay that had specific measurements indicated in the graphs. It would have been better for your analytical presentation if you always used the measurement digits and years indicated throughout the essay when discussing the main features. Not doing so tends to create a less informed and confusing report.

You neglected to do a comparison discussion for the figures given in 1971. This was a period of time when both rental and owned homes had the same level of participants / households. That is where the "make comparisons" where relevant instruction came in and you did not recognize that discussion in your essay. That is a very small but important detail that could have helped to boost your TA score even higher.

You did a good presentation of the obvious figures, but did not do a good job with the comparisons. I suggest that you always be on the lookout for comparison points in your future essays as these small details can help to increase your score overall.

@Holt
Thanks a lot for your detailed review