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TASK1 : The percentage of households in owned and rented accommodation

vientrongnghia 1 / -  
Aug 30, 2018   #1

the proportion of apartments possessed and hired in two countries

Shown in the bar chart is the proportion of apartments which are possessed and hired in two countries, namely England and Wales, over a 93-year phase between 1918 and 2011

Overall, there was a rising tendency in the families who purchased house; meanwhile, the figure for the remaining followed an opposite drift over the timescale under the investigation.

It can be seen from the bar graph that regarding owned households, this number increased dramatically by roughly 46 from well over 23 to a peak of approximately 69 from 1918 to 2001 in England and Wales, with the period 2001- 2011 witnessing a decline of around 4 to close to 65 in the single year of 2011.

Moving on to the rented ones , it is obvious that there was an enormous decrease of approaching 45 from 77 to a trough of nearly 32 between 1918 to 2001 before England and Wales experienced a slight recovery of 4 to 37 in 2011.

Rogerscup 5 / 8 1  
Aug 31, 2018   #2
it would be better to use "The bar chart shows that" in the beginning."

You did a clear overview in paragraph 2, but be careful the total amount of your words, it has to be at least over 150.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,918 4798  
Aug 31, 2018   #3
Trong, your essay will fail on GRA and C&C considerations due to your improper formatting. All of your paragraphs are composed of run-on sentences which are separated by commas instead of periods. This creates a confusing sentence presentation that makes it difficult for the reader to follow. The presentation of the information becomes a jumbled mess in this instance, which means your presentation is not well developed. These errors have a direct effect on your GRA and C&C considerations.

Your information presentation in the overview paragraph is incomplete. You missed out on presenting the type of measurement, which is in percentage format. Also, the years are presented "from 1918-2011" not "between". If you say "between" then that means that no measurements were made within a number of periods starting at 1918, which is clearly not the case here.

You need to further improve your analytical skills when reviewing the chart. Practice writing individualized topic sentences as well in order to avoid falling back on run-on sentences that do not help to increase any of your scores.

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