The proportion of telephone calls in the UK

The chart below shows the total number of minutes (in billion minutes) of telephone calls in the UK, divided into three categories, from 1995-2002. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Phone calls time in minutes in UK

Given is bar chart describing the proportion of 3 kind of telephone calls (in billions minutes) by british dwellers for 7 years. It is noticeable that while the local communication rates went down, a growth of call was witnessed by national and international and mobile communication.

Having the biggest proportion of calls throughout periods, local calls stood at around 70 billion minutes in 1995, experiencing a slight increase for 5 years later. Uniquely, in 1999, british inhabitants spent 90 billion minutes for this call, reaching the peak among periods. However, this fell to near 70 billion minutes in the end of period.

On the other hand, national and international and mobiles connection increased every year. They began at approximately 40 billion minutes and less than 5 billion minutes respectively. A steady growth is recorded by national and international calls, accounting around 60 billion minutes in 2002. Conversely, a similar trend is followed by mobile calls until 1999, then surprisingly, this rocketed at around 45 billion minutes, twice greater compared with the initial period, this category, however, remained as the lowest number of call among other categories.

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Ayu, please remember the capitalization rules for proper nouns. When you are discussing the nationality of a person such as the British, you have to capitalize the first letter of the word. Be very careful with the way that you construct your sentences in these instances as the simple mistakes that you make can have adverse effects on your final grade. While your essay serves its purpose of delivering the information about the telephone calls, there is a lack of proper information presentation as these are all presented as one complete train of thought coming from the writer instead of the more proper divided sentences within a paragraph in order to create an easy to read and understand information chain. It is important to divide your presentation into individual sentences, as well as paragraphs in order to offer the reader a better chance to read the information without excess strain on their comprehension skills.

Hello @Holt thanks for your suggestions, I will try to fix it. Well, in your opinion is it okay if I prefer to use a lot of comma (,) than separate it in some sentences? Could you give me score for this essay? thank you

Ayu, there are instances when you should use a comma and when you should a period in your sentence development. To quote the formal academic ruling (as I do not wish to make a mistake in advising you) ;

Use a comma to separate independent clauses in a compound sentence when they are separated by a conjunction. The comma goes after the first clause and before the coordinating conjunction that separates the clauses.

However, if you are planning to join two or more ideas in a single sentence, it would be best for you use a semicolon instead. A period on the other hand, is used to convey a complete thought in a single sentence.

Overall, I believe that you would score at a baseline of 5 for this essay. It is actually informative but lacks proper representation in the paragraphs. You have more of a formatting problem in this essay than anything else. Specially in your overview where incomplete information is provided regarding the important elements for discussion in the succeeding paragraphs.