Unanswered [8] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

IELTS - Writing Task 2 Providing healthy meal at school

Ilmi_03 47 / 69 11  
Aug 26, 2016   #1
To learn effectively, children need to eat a healthy meal at school.
How true is this statement?
Whose responsibility is it to provide food for school children?

As children are priceless asset, parents have to concern in their development. Most people argue that formal institutions should provide healthy food for students in order to support instructional process. While it is acceptable in some extents, I personally believe that it is not the key factor to enhance student's ability. There are many aspects to be considered, included the person who will be responsible in this policy.

There are a lot of factors which are influenced student's cognition. The problem is not only related to food consumption. Katie Scolombe, an expert of Public Health in St Andrews University, confirm that it is imperative to provide breakfast for children. The reason is to maintain their physically before studying, to avoid them from starving and other diseases. Thus, pupils can concentrate totally in class. However, an educationalist of Adelaide University, explain that the primary problem which cause students cannot learn effectively is learning methods. All in all, it is not crucial to solve this problem with providing food in the school.

Nevertheless, there is a debatable issue who will be responsible to provide the meal. Firstly, many parents are busy to earn money recently and they do not have enough time to cook on the morning. Moreover, those career women argue that it is school responsibility since they have paid for their children's education. In contrary, teachers are hard to accept this task. They have been busy to prepare instructional materials and evaluate assignments. Thus, providing meals is not their work.

In conclusion, while providing healthy consumption for students is necessary, it is not acceptable to practise in formal institutions. Therefore, mother should spend a little time to cook meal for their children.
akbarmappiare 31 / 469 275  
Aug 27, 2016   #2
Hi Nurul Ilmy.
I am pleased to read your writing. You have shown a rapid positive progress. It is because you deal with previous feedback. In this section, I only focus on the content in this.

Ilmy, be careful of paraphrasing the statement. You wrote "Most people argue that formal institutions should provide healthy food for students in order to support instructional process" whereas there was an opinion like that in the statement. You are supposed to underline that THE CHILDREN NEED THE HEALTHY FOOD, NOT RESPONSIBILITY OF FORMAL INSTITUTIONS. You should quickly meet the major and minor keyword of the statement. Those will help to construct introduction well. Following that, in the first body paragraph, the prompt did not ask to explain the other factors which effect on the learning process. You only address whether the children need the healthy food or not to learn effectively. Focus on the Prompts. Only deal with them. The examiner asks you to analyze the statement.

Turning to the second, you have not highlighted the task response. You have only reviewed two contrast opinion about the responsibility and the reasons of both so that they blame each other. Ilmy, please you should show clearly who have that responsibility based ouct n your vantage point. Again, the examiner wants to see your ability to analyze and construct the opinion.

Although you have made a few mistakes, you have striven to do well. I appreciate for your creation. Keep spirit.
Practice more and more.

Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS - Writing Task 2 Providing healthy meal at school
Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳