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Public career and job satisfaction - Writing Task 2

kuku_ump_edu_vn 1 / 1  
Dec 26, 2020   #1
Hi all,
I am going to have an IELTS test in the next month and I'm feeling quite worried about my writing skill. Please give me your feedback and thank you so much!!!

People should work for the same company all their working life, while others believe that it is better to work for different ones.

Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In recent decades, the question of whether people devote all of their life to a company or work for different organizations has been receiving a great deal of public attention. Although this is a hotly-debated with various views of many individuals, the former seems not to outweigh the latter.

To begin with, some proponents claim that the public should work for the same company for all their working life. One of the reasons could be concerned is that job stability would be synonymous with having a stable income. It means that they will not in a state of unemployment and have an opportunity to earn a monthly wage. This results in being less worried about the expenditure per month, such as house rent or shopping bill, while the others who do not have a stable salary might become a criminal for this spending. For example, the rate of crime in Africa is often significantly high because the government cannot tackle the problem of joblessness.

On the other hand, many opponents believe that job satisfaction may play a more paramount role in life. To specify, their explanation is due to the fact that people can suffer a sense of happiness. This is because they have a chance to do their interests and not have to be stuck in a rut, which makes them be prone to anxiety or cause serious mental health problems. Consequently, their work productivity might go up effectively, which can result in getting a well-paid salary. For instance, Google has been recognizing as a desirable and successful company thanks to their policy of providing essential facilities to their employees as well as a high wage.

In conclusion, the public is more likely to be successful in their careers if they can achieve their satisfaction. Only by considering their decisions carefully, can people make their choice correctly.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,088 3251  
Dec 28, 2020   #2
There are several problems with your presentation:
- Incorrect paraphrasing
- Incorrect response to the given instruction
-Incorrect paragraph formatting
-Incorrect conclusion

These are the reasons that your essay will fail the test. Specific reasons for failure are:

Paragraph 1: Prompt paraphrase- There are no reference points to recent decades in the original presentation. You are including non-essential information rather than restating the facts as provided. This is a discussion, not a hotly debated topic. There is no reference to such in the original. There is also a need to compare both points of view before you present a personal opinion. You changed the discussion instruction from comparative to single opinion.

Paragraph 2: Sentence structure issues. Lack of connecting word usage within sentences. Change of discussion focus from working for the same company to the government cannot tackle the problem of joblessness. The paragraph disconnects the two topics. Only the first topic is connected to the actual discussion.

Paragraph 3: Focuses on staying at the same company, just like paragraph 2, rather than discussing why people should move from job to job. Prompt deviation number 2. Points deductions again.

* There is no personal opinion that compares the two public points of view. Incorrect paragraph formatting.

The essay will fail because you did not meet the writing requirements of the task. Prior to writing these essays, you should familiarize yourself with the various response formats first. That way you will give yourself the opportunity to identify the differing discussion concepts and presentations as required to pass the test.
OP kuku_ump_edu_vn 1 / 1  
Dec 28, 2020   #3
I'm so happy and glad to receive your feedback. I'll write it again. Thank you so much

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