In the technology-driven era...health-related problems.
This section does not add to the clarity of the paraphrase. It is totally unrelated and does not connect with restatement. The rephrasing can easily be composed of 2 sentences only. Provided that the first sentence is an accurate topic realalement and the second, is a proper opinion presentation. The latter sentence isthe only required and scorable aspects of this paragraph. However, since it is a run-on, the presentation is confusing. It should be presented as 2 sentences composed of independent ideas. Regardless, the opinion response is in the correct format.
To a certain extent, presumably,
When a whole. hearted response is provided, it cannot be changed midstream. This reflects confusion on the part of the writer, providing an opening for a failing score in terms of TA and C + C discussion considerations. Once an opinion is given in the thesis section, the whole essay must support it
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