Children' understanding the right or wrong
Punishment is always concerned by teachers and parents when they were educating children . It has many other ways to teach the children what is right or wrong . Therefore , I am disagree that punishment is not necessary to help children to have a good behaviour.
There are many side effect if parents give a physical punishment to a child. For example, a child will have just as much influence as their parents do at home . It is a risk that a child will have a violent problems if parents have a physical punishment to a child. This is not the only way to teach the next generation to have a good behaviour .
In order to teaching the next generation to have a good behaviour in society the individual must respect others and obey their rules. This is undeniable that , parents could be a role model to influence their children instead of using physical punishment to give a warning to them.
Educating children to understand the right or wrong behaviour could be achieved by school and parents .It is something that the teachers and parents have patient to teach the children what is important in life and what role they will play in their world.
hi invent, the following is my advice:
1. ... if parents have a physical punishment to a child-->delete "a" before violent problems.
1. in your second paragraph, I believe that if you add some information, like children are tend to imitate their parents behavior, will make your article more convincingly.
2. in your third paragraph, some detail about how to be a role model will make your article more vivid.
Chan, your essay is not very understandable. The English sentences that you developed are not coherent and lack a sense of logic in the presentation. I think you are thinking in Chinese and then simply typing out the corresponding words in English, whether it is applicable to the sentence you are developing or not. Your essay lacks a solid flow of discussion because at the start, you say you do not agree to punishments, but then your later paragraph seems to indicate an agreement with using physical punishments. You need to present 3 discussion points clearly for this essay:
1. Why you disagree with physical punishment;
2. Why you believe that non physical punishment is better;
3. An example of the effectiveness of non physical punishment.
I am not sure at this point if you are just writing a practice essay for English class or for an English test. If this is for an English test, then the essay will not pass at all.